Monday, May 9
I have some issues with Anal Sex. I've admitted in the past that I do enjoy it, but my body and my brain are at odds on this one. I've been reading up on it (other's blogs, mainly), I think my problem in the beginning was that I didn't believe my husband could actually enjoy it. It's a dirty area, not associated with love/sex/comfort/pleasure. He's effectively convinced me that he enjoys it, finds it sexy and arousing and orgasm inducing. That's a big step because of all the connotations of "taking it up the arse" are really, really bad and demeaning and uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what my issue with it now is. There's no doubt that when I come with something in my ass, I come BIG. But, there's the point of beginning, when we're finding the right position, the right amount of penetration, the right amount of relaxation, that borders on painful. It's not that it hurts, so much as that it could hurt that scares me. I don't go in for that S&M stuff, really, and the thought of taking something so intimate and ruining it with pain is kind of scary. I feel vulnerable enough, let alone introducing physical discomfort as well as emotional...
I've cried after sex. The pleasure, the release, the closeness. It's a lovely feeling and I don't always know what to do with it so it manifests in tears. I have also cried after anal - sometimes because it hurt (my body and my mind), sometimes because it was just too much to handle. Sometimes I wish I could just throw caution to the wind and enjoy it as much as my husband does. I trust him, he loves me and he'd never hurt me, there's no reason to feel afraid or vulnerable. At the same time, I know that maybe the taboo is part of the appeal for him, which makes me hesitant to want it.
No real point to this post. Just dealing with some things, trying to decide what I feel. Last night I was hesitant to do the bum thing, but my husband wanted it, so I went along. Turns out I enjoyed it... I just wish I could enjoy it without all these issues.
posted by claire ~ 10:51 p.m. |