There are things that happen in life that I can't tell my friends and family about. However, a person can't keep everything inside!
Wife - daughter - employee - lover - writer - musician - sculpter - guilt hound - tea drinker - just another face in the crowd
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Claire in 30 seconds
Random Things I Can't Tell Regular People
Friday, September 30
...and the thing I can't put on my family blog is that I'm actually running in the mornings to build up my sex muscles. I didn't realise it, but I think it's working, too!
We'd been going through a bit of a dry spell - work was busy, we were tired, inspiration in the bedroom just wasn't there. But, I'd been wanting to for the last few days and the tension was building. Monday (or was it Tuesday?) I shaved everything shaveable, and trimmed down my quim. Ready. I tried to instigate another night, but it was just too late and I knew that we're not very good at quickies. Another night I was in bed by 10pm, not condusive to making nookie. Finally, last night, I couldn't wait anymore. I needed some lovin'.
My husband, knowing that morning comes early for him, was a little reluctant, but acquiesced to my using his body for my pleasure (self-sacrificing, isn't he?) There was some P&V, some P&Bum and some very athletic positions. The final nitty gritty details are too intimate to blab on the internet, but I was so wet, I thought he'd already come (except the expression on his face was one of beautiful agony.)
I didn't come, but I certainly did enjoy myself. I was craving intimacy (not just the sex part, but the connection part) and last night was a good start. Can't wait for the weekend for some marathon lovin'.
posted by claire ~ 8:54 a.m. |
Sunday, September 25
Surprising side effect
Ladies, you understand that when using a public toilet, there are times when you just don't want to sit on the seat (ew!!). I've learned that since I started running, it is much easier to keep the hover for the required amount of time. No wonder they say running is good for your health!
posted by claire ~ 6:16 p.m. |
I read blogs and sometimes I stumble on things I wouldn't have known about if not for the internet. This has allowed me to broaden my horizons and decide what I like and what I don't. For myself, my husband, and any interested party who's happened to stop by, here is Another List.
Disclaimer - just because I may not be into something doesn't mean that other consenting adults can't enjoy activies together. There is no judgement here.
Some things I don't think I'm into (but I do read blogs dealing with these topics with a strange fascination):
- pain and punishment in sex (floggers and nipple clamps? not for me, thanks!)
- sex & peeing (a la pantiesx3)
- submission and dominance
- having sex with another lady
- watching my husband have sex with another lady (he knows I'd fly into a jealous rage)
Some things I didn't think I would be into (but actually am):
- anal sex (no one's more surprised about this than I am!)
- reading tame (very tame) stories about bondage, or loving domination/submission
- watching movies/seeing pictures of ladies have sex with other ladies
Some things I like and I knew I would:
- kisses - my husband is the only man I've kissed and I love his kisses
- being naked
- writing about my secrets on the internet
- reading erotic stories
- P&V* sex (we didn't have "real" sex until we were married, but I knew I'd like it!)
*To clarify: P&V = Penis & Vagina.
posted by claire ~ 12:08 p.m. |
Saturday, September 24
A new word
Today I learned the word quim, as in "my tongue buried in her quim" from the Rentboy Diaries. I think it's a perfect word - so much more pictoresque than vagina.
It is also an excellent use for that awkward Qu in Scrabble!
posted by claire ~ 7:50 p.m. |
Thursday, September 22
I'm having a cute hairday today. That makes having to spend my day at the office more tolerable.
And, my jeans fit better than usual. I think it might be an ok day.
posted by claire ~ 10:01 a.m. |
Tuesday, September 20
Gone to blogger heaven
I see that I will need to update my sidebar. Some bloggers I have really enjoyed reading have decided to go off and live their real live without telling the whole internet about the sweaty details. That's cool, I'm all about doing something guilt free, and heaven knows they shouldn't feel obliged to force out a post if they're not in the mood, but I will miss reading them. I really enjoyed reading about Unfurling's adventures and tuned in daily. "Stacy" I read with fear and trepidation - it is not comfortable to read about a marriage dissolving. Others that I've read from time to time have decided to uproot, too.
All the glowing eulogies I've read for these blogs makes me kind of want to close down shop and see what people say about me. Attend my own funeral, in a manner of speaking.
But that's dumb of me. So I won't. If you're out there Unfurling, Stacy, Jay, we'll miss you, but go out and enjoy your life - the world is bigger than a blog!
posted by claire ~ 9:25 a.m. |
Sunday, September 18
o! joyous weekend
I had a terribly hectic week at work last week. A bunch of people (or fellow hamsters, as Inky so aptly calls them:) were away/sick/fired so the work fell on the rest of us. As a chronic guilt hound, I worked my behind off and came home exhausted every night. When Saturday hit, I was still in the go-go-go, get-it-done-and-quick frame of mind and it inevitably lead to meltdown.
My darling husband just lead me to the bedroom and snuggled with me until I felt better. Reminding me that there's no reason to overwork myself at my job - heaven knows they won't recognise it and that on the weekend it's ok to chill out. After that little talk, I got to feeling a lot better, and a lot more touchy-feely. I felt like I'd hardly seen my husband all week, what with the coming home exhausted and all.
(Sidenote: When I feel lousy, I tend to keep it in until I just can't bottle it anymore, then I cry and mope and generally feel crappy. Then, I feel bad for crying (and making him take care of me and ruining a perfectly good Saturday) and cry some more. When I tried to explain all this to my husband, he commented in his observant way, "That's crappy. That just makes a feedback loop." Feedback, like the squealing mic, what a perfect description. I like it when he identifies my problems, makes them easier to tackle.)
Anyway, I spent much of the day doing stuff with him, hanging out, doing not much but enjoying our time together. It was really nice and, together with today, makes me feel like I'm not so love-deficient anymore.
Last night, I tucked in earlier than he did, knowing I wanted to go to church the next day. It wasn't long before he came in, but I was already dead to the world. He woke me up, offering a little lovin'. I'd given him a delicious blow job earlier in the day, so although my mind was very willing, my body was asleep. I jumped in the shower (on husband's sweet suggestion), because I did not want to pass this up. I was aroused really quickly, and when he put his penis inside me it was all that I wanted. I love missionary anyway, but yesterday seemed especially lovely. I was quite close to coming from penetration alone (which hasn't happened since our first months of marriage) and he pulled out and whispered in my ear about coming on my belly, then giving me oral until I came too. He knows me so very well.
On a normal night, we aren't capable of that elusive "quickie," but I think last night could safely be classified as such. I came in such a gentle, breezy kind of way - not too long after he started with his magic tongue. He was shifting positions or something just as I was coming, which resulted in my body feeling like it was a feather in the wind, instead of a cliff jumper in Paraguay. The same falling-over-the-edge thing, but not the velocity of previous orgasms. I loved it. It was exactly the tender kind of love that my body (and brain!) wanted.
I'm awfully spoilt. This weekend, I got to do everything I wanted:
- tidy the house
- get a hair cut
- give a blow job
- go for a run
- get a coffee
- go to church
- have a wonderful, intimate, orgasmic time with my husband
posted by claire ~ 5:43 p.m. |
Friday, September 16
A suggestively hilarious movie
Last night my husband and I finished watching Flesh Gordon. We had started it the night before, but I fell asleep right at the Penisaurous part. The movie had an excess of boobies, a lot of kootchies and a fair number of orgy scenes. Modesty, however, prevented the filiming of an actual man's penis. Anyway, a movie good for a laugh, but not a movie to watch with your grandma!
posted by claire ~ 9:51 p.m. |
Turning over a new leaf
I've started running again. I used to when I was younger (after I lost a bunch of weight, pretty well by accident, and didn't want to be heavy again).
- I hit my scary weight. That's the weight I hate seeing on the scale because it means I'm on the way up, instead of coasting at normal mass.
- I wanted to get fitter, to do more stuff with more energy.
- I wanted a tighter bum. Now that lots of our bedtime activity includes anal fun, I'd like to have a nicer canvas for my husband to play with.
- run 3x per week for 6 weeks
- be able to run for 30 minutes, and hopefully do 5k in that time
- not give up and wuss out 2 days into it.
So, things are going well. I've gone every other day for a week and a bit, and I love it. It feels great, and someday I'll write about the one adventure I had with a crazy in the park. But not now.
The thing that is most amusing however, is that my period is even shorter than before - if that were even possible. My anti-baby pills resulted in a very stable, very manageable, 4 day period of menstration. Now, with this running, I had about 2 days of actual menses! It was great! Not only do I have the energy for more sex, I have the time to do it!! Not that there's been much action in this household lately, but if we'd wanted to...
posted by claire ~ 9:09 p.m. |
Wednesday, September 14
I don't imagine that this is cool to people other than me, but I made 15 000 hits. I don't doubt that about half of those are my own visits to the page, but still, that's a lot of people that are reading my random thoughts. The exhibitionist in me thanks you for stopping by. Comments are always welcome, but don't feel you have to. This is a guilt free blog!
posted by claire ~ 8:54 a.m. |
Monday, September 12
I am enamoured with my husband's boys
Last night, my husband and I were watching a movie. He was gently playing with himself (hinting for some mouth action, but I didn't get that until later). I reached over to play too: gently, lightly, and with no agenda. I realised, again, that I really like his boys. There is nothing else on my body or his that is similar. They're so elastic and soft and delicate. At the same time, I've felt them tighten as he's just about to come - they excel at communication. Later, when I finally got to the oral sex, I couldn't resist but take these delicacies in my mouth for a little suck. They're so delicious.
And, on another note: for the first time in a long time, I had a dream with sex in it. Humanity was fighting some kind of alien race and there was a guy that I was escaping with. We had sex (on a couch, I think?). And, even more interesting, for the first time ever, I dreamed I was a guy (actually, the same guy as above) having sex with a girl! She has satin soft breasts and butt. I think we may have done it in the shower. In my consious moments, having sex with a lady doesn't really appeal to me much. I suppose that's why my subconscious had to step in and grant my unspoken fantasies. Ha.
posted by claire ~ 9:35 a.m. |
Friday, September 9
45 naked female bodies
I saw this site and spent a little time looking at it. The ladies are all quite diminutive, some more so than others. My response: They're all naked women and they're all beautiful. Then: This one's boobs are too big to be real, that lady looks super-skinny, that lady has man-shoulders.
How embarassing to get caught so obviously in the beauty trap. I see that essentially that is what my previous post about feeling loutish was about too. And my glowing remarks about where women are in the world today? I guess we still have some more to go before we accept ourselves for our selves instead of our bodies.
Not that anyone asked, but my favourite body was #42.
posted by claire ~ 10:16 p.m. |
Regarding Digger's post
(Intro: Digger Jones wrote an interesting paragraph at the bottom of his post Sept 7th asking about modern women and their roles. My comment was getting enormous, so I posted it here instead)
As any woman does, I have some strong opinions about a "woman's role" and traditional vs. modern womanhood. I think what is key is the choice women have these days. Now, we don't always make the best choices (trying to be all things to all people) but could your (Digger's) Grandmother have chosen not to have kids? Not really, at least not without becoming a bit of a community pariah. Not that she really would have considered the option - life is life and you do what you have to.
For me, I have the choice to work full time and build a career, to stay at home and raise my brood, or even to have the most of both worlds and to try and juggle the two. I can't say much about the juggling bit (not having any kids) but I think a whole new family dynamic started up when mom's went to work - not men "picking up the slack," but making parenting a team job doing half of the household stuff.
I feel really, really lucky to be part of the legacy of women who were given the ability to decide their future. It's huge and we can often make mistakes, overwhelming ourselves and dragging our families down with us, but for me, I think it's worth it. I am not having children and I feel perfectly respectable making that declaration. This is only thanks to the countless women before me who: struggled to become equal to men in society, struggled to prove that they could raise a family and grow a career, struggled to be accepted as just as capable as a man in the workforce. Now I, in my life of comparable luxury, don't have to prove anything to anyone. I can just live my life the best way I know how, and make my own decisions.
My husband thinks I'm a bit of a feminist, and I probably am - but look at what I've been given!! Things certainly aren't perfect between the sexes, but we've come a long way, baby!
posted by claire ~ 8:54 a.m. |
Standing next to cute girls makes me feel ungainly.
I usually don't mind who I am. I'm bookish and quiet. I don't make a fuss and I don't stand out. I'm average in pretty well every way which means I blend in really well (an excellent vantage point for observation). I have the kind of face that people say, "You look familiar...?" No, my friend, I just have a face that reminds you of everybody else you've ever met in your life. I don't mind. I have my secrets and that is enough.
The thing is, those cute girls who look so at ease, so well put together that it looks like they're not even trying. They're small, they're feminine and they know how to act gracefully. I always feel so loutish standing next to them.
posted by claire ~ 8:02 a.m. |
Monday, September 5
I think it is extremely self-indulgent to read one's own blog again, from the very beginning. But it's also rather amusing. And anyway, aren't holidays created for blatant self-indulgence?
posted by claire ~ 3:14 p.m. |
Sunday, September 4
I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I've been rather randy these past few days. I've been charting my cycle lately, and "horny" has been written on the calander for the past 3 days. Today, I was semi-napping on the subway (you know the state of consciousness when your eyes are closed and your mind is wandering) and got to thinking about sex.
Now, for a lot of you this isn't such a big deal. For me, this is pretty monumental. I've mentioned before that I'd be considered a "low libido" spouse, and for me to find myself fantasizing... well, I was just pleased as punch about it.
The object of my thoughts was just as astounding as the fantasizing itself. I was thinking about asses. Mine and, more often, my husband's. I didn't have the gall to tell him yet (you reading, babe?) but I was thinking about using my tongue to explore his regions. All of them. I was picturing using my tongue all around his ass and darting in, feeling inside. We've never done that, but I think I would enjoy the exploration process.
Anyway, on to this afternoon, I mentioned to my husband as we were snuggling, watching "Team America, World Police" that I'd been having some thoughts about bum fun. Mainly that I wanted to have some bum fun. The best part? We had lunch, watched a bit of the movie, I napped, and when I awoke he was ready to go... it was perfect! We started with good ol' P&V, but before long I really wanted his penis in my ass.
There are some Very Good Parts about anal sex. I like lists, so here's my list (in no particular order (except maybe chronological.)
- Lube application. I have the best feelings when I feel him getting ready down there. His fingers are all lubed up, exploring me, finding out where I am and how I'm feeling. Fingers go around and around and occasionally in. I know he's excited and this stage of anticipation makes me really excited to. It just feels so darn good.
- Penetration. When he is in me, not moving, but just being there, that is utterly amazing. I (and he) have open access to my pussy and clit, which is amazing. I have all the advantages of pussy access, with all the sensation of penetration. Fuck yeah.
- Climax. This was amazing this afternoon. I was super aroused, had a nice little vibrator in me, was fingering my clit, and he was thrusting (but only a little bit, I think) in and out of my ass. I was so filled up and the only thing I could think of that would be any better was to feel him come inside me. I told him that, and like the good husband he is, he followed my suggestion right away. It felt amazing.
Now, in all of this (we'd had several rounds of bum fun) I still hadn't come. But, I felt so friggin' good that I didn't even mind. For once I felt brave enough to talk during our sessions, telling him what I wanted and what was comfortable, so I was getting exactly what I wanted. Ever obliging, my husband kept assuring me that he was having a good time, too. From his moans (which I love to hear) I believed him. After he came inside me, somehow magically a towel appeared underneath me. Perfect. I lay on my back, asked him to watch me masterbate and got myself off with the vibrator. I was (am) satiated.
A note about emotions during bum fun. (Juicy bits are over, feel free to skip on over to Housewyfe or somewhere else for more excitement. This is just me working through some stuff.) I find anal sex exceedingly emotional. I don't know why. When we first started with all of this, more often than not it would end in tears, mine of course. It is an extremely intimate act, although amazingly erotic, and I think I get overwhelmed by everything happening all at once. There are the amazing feelings, which pretty well blow every circuit in my brain, and then added on top are feelings of closeness (no one has ever, ever been this close to me in my entire life), love (what a wonderful man who is willing to do this for me), pain (or more specifically a fear of pain), and concern that my husband is doing ok, too. There was a time this afternoon when I had to stop, pull out, and let him lay on top of me. Feeling his body weight on me is such a comfort, it makes all the scary feelings go away. I'm glad that I'm learning to recognise these feelings before they get out of hand. Once I got myself under control, it was back to fucking, and back to those amazing physical sensations again.
And one more thing. Having a towel handy after the fact is a lifesaver. It makes the transition from returning from the far reaches of the Orgasmiverse back to Earth much more tolerable. I can sit there and sudder in post-coital ecstasy for a bit, before having to run off to the shower.
Ahhhhhhhh, sex is delicious.
posted by claire ~ 9:35 p.m. |
Thursday, September 1
Some things that I like:
- unruly hair, even my own. Days with high humidity are good for this.
- the initial smell of a good cup of coffee.
- the way my boobs look in my favourite black t-shirt, and the way my waist looks in my favourite red t-shirt.
- people with good vocabulary.
- the feeling of penis in my mouth. I don't smoke cigar, but I imagine it's a similar contented feeling. I suppose I have some sort of oral fixation.
- wearing these socks.
- lists. Grocery lists, to-do lists, I like how it orders my thoughts.
- having an orgasm with something firmly placed in my pussy and/or ass. I have very strong muscles down there (even my gyno commented!) and I like when I don't have to fear anything falling out in the throes of passion.
- having a secret blog that no one in my real life knows about (except my husband, of course. He reads this.)
posted by claire ~ 8:26 a.m. |
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