There are things that happen in life that I can't tell my friends and family about. However, a person can't keep everything inside!
Wife - daughter - employee - lover - writer - musician - sculpter - guilt hound - tea drinker - just another face in the crowd
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Claire in 30 seconds
Random Things I Can't Tell Regular People
Saturday, December 31
Just a couple questions
So, I had 9 1/2 days off work with no obligations (for the most part) and no real plans. It was delightful, I'll admit. My husband and I got to spend a lot of time together, which was fabulous. I'd forgotten how fun he is, and how much fun I can be when I'm not tired/stressed/cranky.
Now the question remains, why wasn't I jumping his bones every single opportunity? I mean, two grown-ups in their own apartment. No curfews, no chaperons, lots of lube, vibrators and unlimited access to porn via the internet. We did it a couple times, and it was great, no question. But, why didn't we do it every day? Multiple times?
I like sex, don't get me wrong. Maybe I'm just fundamentally lazy. Snuggling is nice, too - and a lot less work. I don't always climax, I wonder if that's an issue in my deep, dark subconscious. Don't initiate sex, you might not climax. That's crazy talk, I know. I'm fine when I don't come and my husband seems to be, too. Anyway, I've been quite orgasmic lately. So what's going on in my head?
Maybe I should just calm down. When we don't have sex for a few days, I get a little squirelly, wondering if my husband still finds me attractive. Now, my Time of the Month is starting (3 days early, what's with that!?!) so we're going to have to be a bit more inventive. I just wish I were better at initiating sex.
posted by claire ~ 12:55 p.m. |
Friday, December 30
Naked snuggling is the best snuggling.
posted by claire ~ 11:18 a.m. |
Wednesday, December 28
New Year's Resolutions I didn't put on our family blog
- more boinking
- fewer hang-ups
posted by claire ~ 5:55 p.m. |
Sunday, December 25
And so this is Christmas
This is it. This is Christmas day. All the fluff and feathers, the purchases, the mailing, the carols, it's all about this.
I must admit, it's a little anti-climactic.
I know the real meaning of Christmas. I'm a bible believing Christian and I went to the service last night, I know that this is a day to celebrate God's coming to humanity. The trouble is, traditionally, one is to celebrate this day with friends and family. Alternately, one is to celebrate this day with obscene amounts of gifts. Right?
Well, my husband and I are on our own. I'm not about to bake a turkey for two - I don't even think I could bake a turkey. We chose the frugal Christmas and didn't really do gifts or stockings. Gifts from family were mainly cheques, and those were opened (and cashed) when they came in the mail.
Re-reading this, I think it sounds a little whiny. I'm not whining and I'm not even really all that sad. I miss my family, yes. But honestly, I don't really think being there this holiday would have solved this connundrum. I'm just thinking this through, trying to put my finger on my malaise. If my darling husband reads this (and I know he will, Hi babe!) he's going to ask what we can do to make things better. Let me consider a moment.
I think I've got it. Growing up, Christmas was all about traditions. We'd go to the Christmas Eve service, come home and visit and open one gift each. We'd wake up Christmas morning, have an orange (to settle our stomachs before all the chocolate was opened :) We'd read the Christmas story in Luke and pray. We'd open stockings and gifts one by one. Then we'd get ready for the day and go Grandma's. We'd meet with all the cousins and have egg mcmuffins (home made, of course) and open a few more gifts. It'd be chaos there and we'd be ready to get back to our quiet house for the afternoon. Then we'd go to my other grandparents' and, depending on the year, open gifts or have a big turkey dinner. It was a busy day and there was a definite routine to it.
Now that I'm on my own with my husband, we don't have too many traditions. For the past couple years, we've stayed up really late and mostly slept through Christmas. We went to a movie Christmas day last year. I wonder if I'm feeling like I've lost a number of traditions, and haven't yet made any new ones to take their place. I couldn't help but put some expectations on the day. That was probably my first error.
Remember, I'm not especially melancholy. I'm not sad and I'm not frustrated, disappointed, discontented or let down. However, I think that next year when my husband and I do Christmas, I'd like to actually do Christmas. Open some gifts Christmas morning, make stockings for each other, put up a tree, lights.
But that's next year. Today is Christmas. I have a loving husband in the room with me now. I have parents just a phone call away. I have a nice cup of tea on my desk, awaiting my attention. I'm going to sign off, Christmas won't be here forever!
posted by claire ~ 3:36 p.m. |
Saturday, December 24
I know it's Christmastime and everyone should be all Holly and Ivy and everything, but this is what's on my mind right now. Not that anyone is spending time reading blogs this weekend (except for me) so this post will likely just slide in under the radar unread. As it should be.
My body's changing. I'm 27 years old and I guess it's time to face the fact that I won't have the same body shape my whole life. At least it won't be too traumatic - I was never one who thought she was beautiful, I'm the person described as cute. That's okay with me - there's a lot of pressure that comes with beautiful. I tend to wear loose fitting clothes, stuff that doesn't stand out, certainly doesn't flaunt anything. But, on the inside, I was kind of proud of my body. I had a slim waist, a bum that wasn't too big, hips that stayed in proportion. My boobs weren't anything spectacular, just reliable old B's that did what they were told. I didn't have to worry about my body, it was a fairly attractive, functional unit.
Lately, things have started to change. My thighs are getting bigger. My waist is getting thicker. My belly - previously so flat and unobtrusive - is developing a mind of its own. None of these changes really scream for attention, but I know they're there. My pants don't fit as well as they used to. It's not weight gain, I've weighed the same since I was out of high school. It's just changing.
My body is fit, I'm a runner. I know that what I should be feeling is, It's a beautiful, strong body. It's yours and your husband loves it. It is healthy and that makes it beautiful. Just like the Dove commercials. Instead, my tactic is to get out the full length mirror, previously in hiding. If I'm going to have to get used to losing my nubile body, I want to do it in increments. Haven't studies shown that things you're familiar with are generally found to be more attractive? I'm hoping to help my mind get used to what she sees. And it is beautiful, darn it!
posted by claire ~ 11:26 a.m. |
I'm beginning to remember
the feel of skin on skin
warm hands on bum, back, breasts
penis growing harder in my mouth
those little tiny moans of pleasure
How could I forget things like this?
Last night he said, "Open your eyes." It was like being a kid lead into a candy store and then the blindfold was removed. He came and it was intimate and beautiful.
posted by claire ~ 12:17 a.m. |
Wednesday, December 21
The following statements are true:
- We've been busy lately
- There's been a lot of stress around here regarding many different things, both big and little
- I've been fighting off a cold
- I've been tired
- I've been lazy
- I don't know when the last time we had sex was
The first items are no excuse for the last. I have a week off work starting at 12pm Friday the 23rd. Expect more spice in the blog shortly.
posted by claire ~ 1:39 a.m. |
Monday, December 19
Everybody's doing it. I found my way through Anna. Here's my Sexy Name Decoded.
Nice. I love luxuriating.
Good thing my name's not:
They really had to stretch for that one. Imagine Kermit and his "glorious yeses." Heh, heh. The internet is fun.
posted by claire ~ 11:54 p.m. |
Sunday, December 18
anxious, worried, despondent
yet, he loves me anyway
posted by claire ~ 6:33 p.m. |
Saturday, December 17
A shorter, more confessional, post about porn
Figleaf quoted an expert who said:
Women [...] appear to be far less interested in buying pictures of naked men in this post.
I didn't want to post a comment there, for fear I'd get too long winded and take up all of Figleaf's space. But, I think that with my previous post about porn, I should 'fess up. If I'm looking for titillating images, it's the ladies I'll be looking at, not the men. I'm not lesbian, I certainly wouldn't want to be in bed with these ladies, but I think they're more erotic.
Now that I'm writing this, I wonder why. I wonder if it's just that sensual looking ladies are more available than sensual looking men. I think I'm going to do some research, anyone have any suggestions?
posted by claire ~ 7:06 p.m. |
Friday, December 16
Quote of the day
Bedroomdancer said this, which I think is lovely:
Perhaps the best part is that my mona is still tingling pleasantly, more than five hours later. [...] It's ike a physical reminder of how much I am loved.
It's nice to be loved.
It's also nice to have a tingly mona.
posted by claire ~ 8:13 p.m. |
Finally, a moment to post.
It's the weekend and a hearty yahoo! I have little to complain about with my life, but my job does take up a fair portion of my week and I am darn glad to see Friday roll around. I've been reading blogs throughout the week and haven't really justified taking the time to write a coherent (yeah, right) post of my own. This post caught my eye. If you haven't read Fade to Numb yet, you should give it a go. It's an interesting read and he's got a good sense of humour that pokes through at the most opportune moments. I also really like his loyalty to his wife - I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
Anyway, he wrote about porn. I have no doubt that much of what he says is true and what I have to say is not a rebuttal, nor is it saying that my way is the right way. It's just another perspective. That's it for the disclaimer.
Just to get it out there, my husband and I do look at porn sometimes. I don't know how long he looked at it before I was in the picture. He didn't tell me about it for a good while after we started out together, I think. But we shared a computer and, inevitably, I found out. I was pretty upset when I first saw some images saved on our computer. (Our computer was a hand-me-down from a local charity (which means 1 step up from a Commodore 64). We had dial up. He must have had to wait about 40 minutes per picture. Not much titillating about dial up...) Anyway, I was upset, mostly because the file names were things like "young girls." I didn't want to be involved with a pedophile and that really, really creeped me out. He explained he's not a pedophile, those were just what came up, he prefers looking at women and would never look at a child that way. Deep breath, okay.
So, we discussed it and I think I probably banned it for a while (but I don't really remember - that's just something I would do). I don't remember porn really being an issue until after marriage, when he'd look at stuff with me. When it wasn't hidden, it didn't have such an icky feel to it. I had (have? that's a whole 'nother post...) some definite issues about my sexuality and I think porn might have helped me loosen up a bit, kind of like alcohol. I'll read certain blogs or erotic stories and they have the same effect. Sometimes he'll put something on the tv while we're having sex - it kind of sets the mood for me (like Strauss in an elevator) and puts me in the right frame of mind. I usually end up forgetting all about it as things heat up.
I've asked my husband if he thinks of those naked ladies when he's having sex with me. He says he doesn't and I belive him. I certainly don't think of having sex with the naked men I see (ew!). I like the settings, especially the outdoor ones. I like the positions since, sadly, I'm really not that creative. I also like the reinforcement that it's ok to like sex. I certainly do not think it affects my body image. Mainstream media has a much better hold on me than the porn industry there, unfortunately. Oh, to be a boyishly sexy young waif...
I don't know how I feel about porn on the whole. It's so terribly available (to people much too young to handle it, I'm sure), a lot of its production is probably ruthlessly exploitive of the actors, and the relationship dynamics between Porn Man and Porn Woman are not to be envied. I imagine that it probably messes up a lot of relationships and I applaude FTN for sticking to his decision to cut it out of his life. I'm not sure if I would have the guts to do what he's doing and am glad my life right now doesn't require it. But, for the record, if my husband put his foot down and said not another naked lady or he's leaving me? I'd throw the computer out the window and never look back.
posted by claire ~ 7:13 p.m. |
Thursday, December 15
Note to self: Write a comment about this post.
posted by claire ~ 11:12 p.m. |
For the record
My husband is, sadly, temporarily unemployed. He's also dealing with a rather stressful process that he has to have compeleted by a certain date in the new year. But, during this time of unpleasantness, he has been the most wonderful, attentive husband ever. Bar none! I was sick on Tuesday, he was so concerned. He's made dinners, done dishes, cleaned the bathroom and generally taken good care of the family. He's made sure I'm healthy and happy and tried to spend as much time as possible with me during the hours that I'm home. Unemployment stinks, but having a househusband to take care of me might not be all that bad... Love you, babe.
posted by claire ~ 8:36 a.m. |
Wednesday, December 14
We are sorry, the cucci is not open to sightseers at this time.
When will I learn my lesson? My husband's smooth shaven boys gave me the creative urge to trim my area. I know that I'm not made for complete shaving, but I figured a little off the top wouldn't hurt. Right. How long does it take for nicks and razor burn to heal? Nevertheless, I like the look and I'm thinking of persevering. But no sightseers while I'm practicing my shaving technique!
posted by claire ~ 9:41 a.m. |
Monday, December 12
woman on man, nude
mouths fingers searching probing
knees touching shoulders
posted by claire ~ 5:55 p.m. |
A more personal recap of our trip
So we were away for a bit, which is the partial reason for not posting. (The other reason is an amalgamation of other excuses: busy, lazy, not much going on...) It was a nice, relaxing trip, filled with silent sex with inlaws in the room next door. We'd forgotten lube so it was mainly 69'ing, but intimacy is intimacy, right?
We got home this afternoon exhausted and ill (too much rich food is nice, but not for 3 days straight!) and got ourselves ready for a nap. I was naked and chilly, I asked if he'd get on top of me (a human afghan - nothing cozier) and he took his boxers off and found the lube. Even better! I'm not sure if it had been his intention all the time, but I'm glad when he takes the initiative. I sometimes think I'm too tired/sad/sore/stressed for sex, but when he gets it started I realise how interested I am afterall.
We have a date this evening for bum fun, since we certainly couldn't do it while away. I'm looking forward to it, I think I'll go run a bath...
posted by claire ~ 5:25 p.m. |
Sunday, December 4
There are days when it's all clit. And there are days when it's all cucci. There are other days, like today, when it's all skin. My skin felt supercharged with nerve endings. When my husband would put his hands on me, I'd get a wonderful warm buzz from my toes to my head. I felt his hair falling on my back, his breath on my neck, his balls bumping into my girlie bits. It took some doing, some conscious relaxing and some hardcore vibrations, but the resulting climax was worth it. Sex is such a bonding, intimate activity. I doubt if sex alone could save a marriage, but it sure does make a great marriage fabulous.
As a side note. Our family blog is full of stories and pictures of our two cute, little, fuzzy pets. What I don't say on the family site is that one little fuzzball hates it when we have sex. She makes her discomfort knows in hilariously obvious ways. Jealousy, perhaps?
posted by claire ~ 8:40 p.m. |
The sex marathon is apparently over. Last time we did it was on Wednesday (but boy, was it yummy! "Sick" days off work are the best for lovin'!) Then we were hit with a series of annoyances and petty problems. None of which are life threatening, but all of which take a considerable amount of brain power to decide on and act on. You'll be glad to know my husband is still shaving his boys. I'm certainly glad.
posted by claire ~ 10:25 a.m. |
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