There are things that happen in life that I can't tell my friends and family about. However, a person can't keep everything inside!
Wife - daughter - employee - lover - writer - musician - sculpter - guilt hound - tea drinker - just another face in the crowd
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Claire in 30 seconds
Random Things I Can't Tell Regular People
Monday, January 30
I know you all were wondering, so I thought I'd let you know. My husband and I had completely mind blowing sex last night. Really. Incredible. It involved putting him into my three favourite places in me, a lot of moans, goosebumps and hip thrusts. I bit his lip while I was climaxing at one point. It was primal, freeing, and much needed.
We're not going a week without again.
posted by claire ~ 9:41 a.m. |
Thursday, January 26
My terrible, awful, no good, flipping craptastic day.
I had a bad day. I'm grumpy and I just wanted to share. I could blame it on PMS. I could blame it on our fucktard clientel at work. I could blame it on the -20 windchill. Whatever. I feel like shite and I'm going to bed.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
Update: My husband, who is apparently telepathically connected to my emotional state, came home with a gigantic box of Smarties. Those are my favourite treat, and my chosen comfort food. How he knew that tonight was the night they were most needed, I'll never know. I burst into tears, gave him a great big hug, and shared them with him while sitting on our bed. The cloud has lifted significantly. It is good to be together.
posted by claire ~ 9:31 p.m. |
Monday, January 23
For the Record
I would hereby like to declare that I am poor at the Traditional Orgasm. It is not my forte. I do not always come when I masterbate. When my husband asks me if I've come, I do not always know the answer.
Yes, I know what it is to orgasm. Yes, I have seen the peak and I've fallen off the edge. But there are a lot of steps to an orgasm and I don't always get to check each item off the checklist. Rush of sensation, check. Feeling of satiation, check. Physical release, check. Orgasm? I'm just not always so sure.
Whatever. I'm subscribing to the Figleaf philosophy: Focus on what you enjoy and let the orgasm be a side effect. (paraphrased) And you know what? I have a lot of fun with my husband. I'm not going to let a little thing like numbers get in my way. It's all good, ladies, and Cosmo doesn't always know what it's talking about.
Thanks to The Virgin for the rant inspiration
posted by claire ~ 10:52 p.m. |
Sunday, January 22
Although my husband was too kind to say the words aloud, it seems I get a little testy without a proper boinking now and then. History has shown that if we go too long without, I get wacko. My reasoning for this phenomenon? I suspect that I use sex as barometre for how well things are going in our marriage. We could be having the time of our lives - great conversations, good times, lots of fun, but if there's no physical intimacy I think I'm going to wonder if something is wrong.
But joy of joys, nothing is wrong anymore. We had delicious, body shaking, toe curling sex last night and things are back on track. Now, Gander recently mentioned getting shy if they go too long without. Maybe that's what I was experiencing last night too. We were snuggling, we were cuddling, we were kissing, but when he went to reach between my legs, I just wasn't ready.
Luckily we've dealt with this before. I've told him that when I'm not ready through the front, it's best to sneak around back - all defenses are down back there and I just can't resist. He convinced me perrrrrfectly. Maybe (and I admit this sheepishly) I wanted to be convinced? Maybe I wanted to make sure he still wanted me? I don't know, my brain was too messed up to determine.
Regardless, we had a jolly old romp. No doubt it was comfort sex, there was lots of skin contact, lots of eye contact, lots of kissing, lots of holding on. There was also lots of orgasms. I suspect I came twice in rapid sucession (but I'm not so good with the counting) and then had a series of gigantic aftershocks. Then, I had the pleasure of enjoying myself (on top) with my husband inside me, which in turn brought him to orgasm.
After that, I cried (of course), and just held on to him for dear life, waiting the emotional orgasm to subside. My husband, sweet man, just held on to me and the tears passed as quickly as they came. I think he's pretty proud of a round of sex that brings a girl to tears of joy. And well he should be :)
So things are back to normal. We've got a date for that bum fun we didn't get last week, so I don't plan on letting another sex drought get me down any time soon!
posted by claire ~ 2:36 p.m. |
Saturday, January 21
I'm feeling like my husband and I haven't been as close as usual. It may just be in my head, but I don't like it. There are a couple things which may be prompting the distance: 1) I've been snarky about a couple household issues lately. I don't like myself when I get naggy and housewifey, but I also don't like the out of control feeling when I'm not nagging (and nothing gets done). In general, I've been feeling poorly about myself in this respect from top to bottom.
2) We haven't had any specific couple times since you read it here last. That's right, that's almost a week. I didn't think I'd really notice a week without nookie, but I do. And I don't like it. Sex brings intimacy (or is a display of intimacy already there?) and without it, I miss it.
On a happier note, I've been doing well in other things. I've been playing the piano more, even playing little ditties of my own creation. For playing nothing but hymns and classical for 20 years, starting to make my own stuff up is huge. It makes me proud of my creativity and it's immensely enjoyable.
I've been running as much as an endless Canadian winter will allow, which also boosts my mood. I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, even if it's just running down some neighbourhood streets. I'm strong and I'm capable and running clears my head. Makes me feel like I can accomplish a lot.
My husband and I did have some excellent fun yesterday, even if we were fully dressed for it. We went on a date to a different part of the city and had very stimulating conversation. We have been totally depriving ourselves lately (living off one income is not as fun as it sounds) and it was nice to get out and have some cheap fun together. We're good friends, and last night was proof for me.
So, all this to say, things are good, if not perfect. I'm still dealing with some troubling issues regarding how I feel about myself and the whole nagging thing, and I'm not always very happy with myself. But deep down, I'm cool. I know that things are good, that I'm making my own happiness and that is worth a heckuva lot to my mental well being.
posted by claire ~ 8:47 p.m. |
Monday, January 16
A request is made
But sensibility wins with
You need your sleep, wife
and if haikus had a few more syllables available, I would have added, or else you'll go crazy at work and take it out on me when you get home. Silly, sensible husband, thinking to the future instead of living in the moment.
But, the request, you'll never guess. I, Claire of the P&V, requested bum fun. No kidding - and I actually wanted it! Hopefully the desire doesn't go away and we can partake tonight. At a reasonable hour.
posted by claire ~ 9:51 a.m. |
Sunday, January 15
What to do with a fussy wife, Masterbation and really, really old porn
Lately, things have been a little stressed at Claire's house. We're dealing with money trouble, outside stressors, sleep problems and also combatting the January blahs. We love each other very much, but we're not always in the greatest of moods. Last night was a case in point.
We went to bed, both of us feeling a little randy, both of us knew it, but neither one of us knew what to do about it. (One thing to let you know, when we're stressed out, my husband and I both end up incapable of making decisions. Whether it's coffee or tea, white bread or brown, or what time to set the alarm for, each decision feels like it's pulling teeth.) Last night, I was fussy. I knew I wanted something but I just didn't know what. My poor husband, having zero feedback from me, didn't really know what to do, either.
Things are hazy in the timeline, but I know there was a perfectly timed backrub involved. There was a movie playing and we watched some naked people for a while. We masterbated side by side, which has an intimacy all its own. We sat together, he behind and me in front after this back rub, me holding him and he playing with my bits. He does that so well. I came, I jumped on him and rode his body to climax. I really, really like the feeling of being on top and having him come inside me. To know that he enjoys me so much that he'll come, even when he's not exactly in charge of the angle, thrust, speed etc. Love it.
I almost titled this post One and A Half Orgasms, because I think that's what I had. I commented briefly on Digger's post, but my orgasms are definitely on a spectrum. When I masterbate, I have very poor (if any) orgasms. I peak yes, but I don't really fall over the edge very well. I'm not even sure if it is technically an orgasm. When my husband and I first started exploring each other, I would have these sometimes. If he asked the "Did you come" question after one of these, I wouldn't answer, since I didn't know. Now that I know a little bit more about myself, and that there are bigger and better orgasms out there, I don't usually count these as orgasms. I don't know. In any case, since I came with his fingers on my goodies, the official orgasm count for last night was 1.5 (but who's counting, really.)
My husband has sources of porn that I know not of. He's found some good stuff in the past. High Definition porn. Girl porn, girl/boy porn (we don't go much for boy/boy porn, but that's just us). Porn with a storyline (kind of) and porn without. We've had some fun, but nothing outdoes what he pulled up yesterday. Vintage porn! It was amazing. It looked like it was from the '30s, silent films with piano playing background music. What stood out the most was that nothing is new. There were the same aspects as modern porn: sex outdoors, oral sex, extremely close up P&V, a 2nd girl hiding in the bushes watching and masterbating, her fingering his ass... all the standard positions.
It had all the titilation of porn that I love without the fake breathing and gasps. I didn't need to worry about the actresses selling themselves to feed their cocaine addiction (did they have cocaine in the '30s?) They weren't anorexic, these were nicely built, fleshy ladies. I didn't need to worry about their mother's finding out what they did. These ladies, if still alive today, would be great grandmothers! Porn without the cry of conscience - how perfect is that.
posted by claire ~ 4:41 p.m. |
Saturday, January 14
Therapy post, please bear with me
I'm ok even though
- I can (and do!) cry at the drop of a hat
- I get too emotionally involved in novels and now I can't read Ann Marie MacDonald anymore because she makes me depressed for a week
- my feet are not soft and smooth and feminine
- I will quit something because it's too hard or I'm not good at it
- I wear high waisted pants (because that's the style prevalent at used clothing stores)
- my face gets really, really red when I'm embarrassed
- I can't debate effectively
- I fall asleep mid-conversation late at night
- a messy house makes me mentally unstable
- I cannot look sexy in a pair of underwear
posted by claire ~ 12:00 a.m. |
Wednesday, January 11
Am I an LL spouse? Probably not.
According to Digger Jones's list, I have some aspects of a low libido spouse. He discussed it here, in the context of his marriage. As opposed to the ladies who commented, who seem to have unending desire and amazing sex lives, I can display 3 or 4 of his items on certain days. He ended his post with the question, are there any women who don’t have any of these 12 twelve issues? I do have some of those issues, Digger.
But, I also have a lot of other issues: The big fat crush I have on my husband. My urge to please him. My memories that sex is fun once you get into it. My knowledge that he loves me and will never hurt me or try to make me unhappy.
Last night, for example, I heard myself saying to my husband, I want to give you a blow job. It was very true. I definitely wanted his penis in my mouth right at that moment. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take his pants down right then, so there was some time between the request and the action.
In between my bad self got to thinking. Uh oh, I just built some expectations. Now he'll be wanting some. What if I don't want to anymore? What if I don't get into it? Luckily my good self piped up and shoved a sock in my bad self.
No pressure. You don't have to come. You just want to have his penis in your mounth. You'll like it, he'll like it. What's the harm? You won't be too late to bed and so what if you are? Shut up bad self, no more hangups, remember?
So I did. I was totally into giving my husband the best blowjob ever, for the sole reason that I wanted to. Loved it. As an added bonus, I got to have some P&V and some 69. No orgasm (for me) but because that wasn't the point, I wasn't disappointed or annoyed. I totally enjoyed myself and I totally enjoyed him.
Now, back to low libido spouses. I think it's pretty safe to say that I have a lower libido than my husband. But I do not have the cosmos conspiring against us and our love life: I do not have children. 9 nights out of 10, I get a good night's sleep. I am in good health. I love and desire my husband - find him very attractive in every way. For those of you who do have the cosmos conspiring against you, my heart goes out to you. Marriage is so great when it works well, I imagine it's a whole lot of work when it's not working smoothly. Good for you for sticking it out.
posted by claire ~ 9:07 a.m. |
Saturday, January 7
Because it's the weekend, and the sink is full of dishes and I need to do laundry
This procrastination moment, brought to you by Inky.
Get to know me: A to Z
[A is for age:]
27, just 8 more years until I get my tubal ligation.
[B is for booze of choice:]
Wintertime: Bailey's. Summertime: Bacardi Grapefruit Breezer
[C is for career:]
I wish. Right now I'm putting in time as a Customer Service type person.
[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
The internet. mp3 player.
[I is for instruments you play:]
cello, flute, piano - but not all at once.
[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
Mint jelly or blueberry jam. (Boy, they really had to stretch for this one, didn't they?)
[K is for kids:]
No thank you. My husband and I have a great and fulfilling life and don't want to mess it up with having to get up early on weekends.
[L is for last kiss:]
Pecks on the cheek count? Probably within the last hour. Real, tonguey, passionate kiss? Last night, over my shoulder as I was being.... you know.
[M is for most admired trait:]
I don't know what people admire about me, but here's what I like about me: my music, my running, my compassion, my faithfulness, my get-stuff-done attitude.
[N is for name of your crush:]
Conveniently, my husband.
[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
Healthy as a horse. I imagine I stayed overnight upon my birth, but after that, I've been hospital free.
[P is for phobias:]
Not a big fan of revolving doors.
[R is for biggest regret:]
Peircing my ears. Twice (since the first time was crooked). Earlobes are such soft, nibbly little parts, and now mine have scars in them. boo.
[S is for sweets of your choice:]
Dark chocolate. Or Ice Cream. Both together is divine.
[U is for underwear:]
I like bikini briefs. I tried to get into the boy cut panties, but they just rode up and make me cranky. Now I just wear them the day before I do laundry, since by then they're the only choice left.
[X is for x-rays you've had:]
I suppose I've had dental x-rays. But this one is the best (it's not me, by the way, but it is mine.) 10 points if you can name that mammal.
[Y is for yummy food you make:]
I make the best Kraft Dinner
[Z is for zodiac sign:]
Sagittarius. But I don't let it get me down.
[alphabet edited to remove lame/incriminating letters. It's my blog, I'll do it how I like]
posted by claire ~ 7:31 p.m. |
Early morning lovin'
So, James Bond was on last night at 1am. It was classic James Bond (not the Pierce Brosnan kind) so I was able to keep my eyes open for the whole show. Now, due to a myriad of reasons, we hadn't really had some good, messy, lubey, orgasmic sex in about a week. Sure there was a blowjob here and some groping there, but not real P&V sex.
I knew that my husband had been feeling the decline, that he was in the mood. I acquisced to his twiddling my bits throughout the movie, by the end of the movie I was ready for more. My darling husband, knowing I'd worked all day and am not generally a nighttime person was so sweet in giving me the choice of tucking in for sleep, or getting a little snooky time in first. I pondered, I felt my tingly cucci, I remembered that weekends are for sleeping in late anyway, I remembered my New Year's Resolution, I asked for the sex.
It was quite wonderful. He flipped me onto my tummy and loved me up and down (but mostly down) with his tongue and fingers. I'll spare the nitty gritty details, but there was some pretty sweet stuff going on involving: lots and lots of wetness, some very yummy backdoor action, exhaustion induced wacko thoughts and hallucinations, some down and dirty doggy style penetration. (oh, I thought I was going to spare the nitty-gritty here... sorry)
I've learned some selfish things about me. Lately, I've liked coming first (as in before we get to the penetration part) for the following reasons.
- Takes the pressure off. I get a little wired about orgasms sometimes. What if I don't? What if I can't? What if he gets bored before I do and I'm left in the lurch? What if I get overdone and don't know how to tell him? If I have one, get it over with, so to speak, I can just enjoy the rest of the show.
- I really, really, really like penetration after an orgasm. I mean, really. When I've come I can really enjoy some P&V, maybe even moreso than before an orgasm.
- If my husband is pleasuring me before he's had an orgam, I don't need to worry that he'd getting bored/sleepy/frustrated. I can be pretty sure he's pretty hard himself and enjoying what he's doing. Now that's not to say that he doesn't enjoy pleasuring me otherwise - he's told me enough times that he does. But for my brain, it feels better knowing he's physiologically motivated.
So there you go, that's how things are. At least right now. When we move into marathon sex and multiple orgams I'm sure things will change. But for now, I think we're enjoying eachother pretty good.
PS - Just an added note. It's so neat to be with 1 partener for all these sex-capades. Because I get to learn things about me and about him, and then we keep doing things and adding to our resepective knowlege bases, it only gets better and better and better! It's also nice to be able to write things down for my husband to read. Not a very good talker, but my typing skills are exceptional. Communication is key!
posted by claire ~ 6:45 p.m. |
Friday, January 6
Coming out of the closet
Lately, I've been feeling the urge to come out of the blogging closet and tell somebody in my real life about the blog. I don't really know why, and I don't really know who I would tell. Don't worry, my husband. I know these are your secrets too, so I wouldn't really tell anyone.
But for today, to appease my exhibitionism, I'll be wearing my socks. Say hi if you see me!
posted by claire ~ 9:36 a.m. |
Thursday, January 5
the best compliment
After a well-deserved, long, drawn out blow job, given while I was highly motivated and totally into it, my husband said this:
You have the mouth of an angel.
I know it was said half in jest, but that's a pretty good compliment,I'd say!
posted by claire ~ 9:40 a.m. |
Tuesday, January 3
Laying on my back with my husband on his side. His arm is over my chest, his leg over my hips. My entire left hand side is touching his entire front. But we want more. He'll kiss me on the cheek. I'll wiggle my toe and touch his ankle. He'll bend his knee to put his foot on my leg.
We're a contact couple and after a full week of holidays, complete with passing pats on the bum, hugs at random, shoulder rubs and hand holding, I'm going through withdrawal.
Please let me bring my husband to work. He'll be very quiet and just rub my shoulders from time to time. It will bring up my productivity and make me a better person.
posted by claire ~ 10:03 a.m. |
Sunday, January 1
Life is too short...
... to fold underwear after doing laundry.
posted by claire ~ 4:15 p.m. |
An exceedingly happy new year
My husband and I celebrated a Very Happy New Year last night. I won't get into too many details, but for the first time I can remember, I could have made my husband come on demand. He's usually so controlled (whether controlling it is easy or difficult for him, I'm not sure) but I heard the magic words last night. Be... careful. If you keep..... doing that I'll.... come. I think there's a dom in me that likes the control.
For reasons too complicated to get into (involving other medication, birth control and our ardent desire to remain childfree forever) he wasn't supposed to come inside me. But He. Felt. So. Good. Anyway, we moved on to a little backdoor action and we both got what we wanted: gigantic orgasms and that delicious, tingly, filled up and satisfied feeling. Oh, baby happy new year, indeed!
So, a Happy New Year to all of you. May your lube never get gummy and your batteries never run low. May you give more than your share and get more than you expect. And, sex or no sex, take care of yourself and those around you.
posted by claire ~ 12:35 p.m. |
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