Random Things I Can't Tell Regular People

Lookee here!

2006-03-17T22:15:00.000-05:00

So, blogger's lost it's last Random Things post. I've jumped ship and moved on over to another host. You can now find me at www.thewifeslife.wordpress.com. Keep in mind WordPress is still mighty young and things are still pretty glitchy. Its server goes down a lot too, I'm sure, but at least it'll be at different times than good ol' Blogger. Update your bookmarks friends, and come on over!

If there were a happy pill...

2006-03-17T09:26:00.000-05:00

I wonder, if there were a magic pill I could take to be happy all the time (with no side effects) would I take it? I am often sad, but I think I like it. I think I rationalize it by thinking it makes me feel conscious. I notice more things when I'm sad, feel more deeply. When I am happy (and I often am, don't worry) I just don't think as much.

I suspect a great deal of who I think I am hinges on my melancholy.

Absence makes the cock grow larger

2006-03-15T09:15:00.000-05:00

I don't think I'd mentioned it, but my husband had been out of town for a few days, hence the lack of boinking posts around here lately. Well, he got back last night. Having still not found any availablity for Insta-Libido Powder, I was actually a little concerned. We'd talked about it, anticipated it, and I was sure as heck glad he was home - but what if I wasn't interested? What if I got tired and just wanted to go to sleep instead? What if? What if? What if? (yada yada yada, you've heard it all before.)

Thing is, my fears were not totally unfounded. I wasn't really especially horny or anything. When my husband put on some pre-lovin' videos to set the mood, they didn't really hold my interest. We had a shower to warm up and get clean, and it was there that he kissed me. Ah, a flicker of arousal. Another kiss. Yes, this may be enjoyable. And another. Well, I may not come, but we'll still have fun...

The rest is pretty predictible - but only because we have amazing sex (when we do have it.) I have no doubt that the neighbours heard us and our thumping matress, but I'm not concerned. Starting out, I was reluctant to open up for him. I was still shy and feeling ticklish down there. Being my husband, he knew the exact steps to take to get me started and make me crazy. Step one, calm her down, lots of body contact. Step two, caressing from behind (no clit!). Step three, make her want it.

Very effective. I lost control. I'm not sure if I was vocal, but I certainly was active. Felt a little silly at all my orgasmic writhing, but kept my conscious mind well surpressed and just rode the wave. And then I rode him. And his wave. And then, we were spent and lay crumpled in a post-coital heap. ahhhhhhh.

Good to have you back, babe.

2006-03-13T09:36:00.000-05:00

I went braless the entire weekend. That's including Friday (when I called in "sick" from work), trips to the grocery store, church and other various outings. Today, it's back to the B cup constrictions, enforced by societal norms.

At least it's not a corset.

Hey, Kinky!

2006-03-12T19:43:00.000-05:00

Is this better? It changes things a little for me in Firefox, but not in Explorer Anyone else having text/background issues when visiting here? As a good hostess, I'd like everyone to be as comfortable as possible. Just say no to eye strain!

On a similarily boring technical vein - I'm thinking of moving away from blogger since it seems to be down more than working these days. Any suggestions of free blog hosting services, anyone?

Warning: religious post to follow

2006-03-11T22:06:00.000-05:00

So, my husband's away for the weekend (for a good reason, nothing scary, don't worry). You can expect to hear a lot from me during his absence. Usually about 95% of my random thoughts go through him and never end up on this blog. You may not know, but, his being away was what started this blog in the first place. I have a lot to say today, and no one to say it to. Except you, dear reader.

A word of background. I'm a practicing Christian of the Presbyterian persuasion. I'm abserving Lent this year, again. Last year and this I've done two things to bring meaning to these 40 days before Easter. 1 - A daily bible reading schedule based on the Book of Prayer. 2 - In the spirit of things, I'm also abstaining from (and this is the embarassing part) chocolate. I'm hoping to get meaning out of the readings, and momentary reminders on the chocolate denial.

Why chocolate? It's so silly, so arbitary. It's not like giving up meat (as is traditional) nor am I eating only locusts and honey to mimic John the Baptist. Nope,I've given up chocolate. It's nothing but a treat for me, but it does make me remember when I choose a snack. Smarties or pretzels? Oh yeah, better choose the pretzels, since you're observing Lent... I've just eaten a bowl of Praelines and Cream ice cream, even though I would have much prefered Heavenly Hash. Yeah, some sacrifice, right?

That's not the point though, for me. It's not like Hiromi, who seems to be observing Lent out of the pleasure of self discipline and the tastiness of forbidden food. I'd really like to learn something spiritual through this whole exercise. Last year, I really think I was able to learn from Lent. I kept a journal, I wrote things down, I grew. This year, nada.

Now, here's the trouble. Do I a) give up, buy a box of Lindt goodies and pack it in? or do I b) keep at it despite the seeming lack of purpose? I think I've pretty well decided that this year's Lent is a pretty clear reflection of my Christian life in general. I don't really see the meaning of it all the time. But I stick with it anyway. Just like this year's Lent. I'd be a heck of a lot happier if I heard the Voice of God during my bible readings. He could tell me whatever, I don't care, I'd just be glad to hear it. Instead, I got nothing, but I keep at it anyway.

Hmmm, thinking about this makes it sound depressing. It's not really, not how it feels to me. It actually gives purpose to my Lenten observances, in a strange kind of way. By following Lent, seeing through on my committment to read daily and not eat chocolate, I'm reaffirming my faith. Saying, in essence, I'm not in it for the instant reward. I'm in it because I said I would. I'm committed.

Anyway, Pralines and Cream isn't all that bad. At least until April 16th.

2006-03-11T02:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wish I had some Insta-Libido powder to sprinkle on my Cheerios in the morning, to keep me going all day long. Kind of like sprinkling Bran Buds on your cereal. I think it would work nicely...

If there were a happy pill...

2006-03-11T00:02:00.000-05:00

My personal pantry full of goodness

2006-03-10T13:40:00.000-05:00

I was going to write a lits of my shortcomings, but I thing we've all heard enough of those. Here's a list of my more positive traits:

Loyal
Sensitive
My sharp, open mind
Patient (execpt with myself, usually)
Consciencious
Don't make committments lightly
Sensible (usually)
Full of thoughts
Well spoken (sometimes)
Can't hold my liquor (heheheh)
Up on current events
Responsible
Good with people (except for kids)
Creative
Healthy
Good sense of humour

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

2006-03-09T09:16:00.000-05:00

Last night (or was it the night before?) my husband asked me what I wanted to portray in bed. What an excellent question, I thought. I know I'm not a Tigress a Dom or anything. I'm not even especially seductive. Neither am I especially submissive. I don't do the Little Girl thing... what do I want to show in the bedroom?

My answer was, Momphth and ungerumthum. I believe his penis was in my mouth at the moment. Translated, I said soft and enthusiastic.

Now, like the true introvert I am, I'm replaying the conversation and wondering if that was the best answer. Yes, I do want to be soft (read: feminine, pleasurable, comfortable) and enthusiastic, but I think I'd like to be more.

What I really want to be is Easy, Breezy, Beautiful. I want to be adventurous. Ready to try anything with energy. Without hangups. Attractive. Offering sex without complications. That's what I want to portray in the bedroom.

I wonder if it's even possible.

Hey out there!

2006-03-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

Anyone out there know much about the Fleshlight?

Things are starting to look up

2006-03-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

Sweet lovin' happened at our house last night. It was planned since there hadn't been any action in quite some time. (It had actually been planned for the previous night, but I fell asleep half way through Star Trek and that was the end of that.)

It was good to be back. To share that intimacy. I was embarrased and nervous (I've been married 3.5 years - when will the shyness go away?) but got into the swing of things quickly.

There were some moments of awkwardness, some moments of concern, but generally it was just good, old fashioned, lovemaking. If you can call 4 orgasms (total), oral sex, backdoor stimulation and doggy style "old fashioned."

2006-03-06T00:00:00.000-05:00

Things are changing in life. And yet, I'm exactly the same. Good news happened this weekend, and I was able to spend some very enjoyable time doing things I really like but rarely do.

But I come home again and my mind is the same. Those familiar overwhelmed, hopeless, lonely feelings try to rise to the surface again. Luckily, I've the energy to stifle them.

But I wish I could just live life without having to fight them.

2006-03-03T20:51:00.000-05:00

People that talk too much make me uneasy.

Feelin' better

2006-03-03T20:46:00.000-05:00

It's funny, you know. My previous post was mostly written to let my husband know what was going on with me. (Chicken-shit way of communicating, I know. But it prompted an excellent conversation between the two of us.) Then, I found all this encouragement from people who hardly know me. Well, I suppose you do know a lot about certain parts of me... anyway it certainly made me feel good. Thank you.

Things are looking up. In my head at least. I mean situations haven't changed, but I'm learning to make sure I get my sleep at night. And I'm getting lots of hugs from my husband. Did I mention how much I really love him?

Sometimes I get sad

2006-02-27T22:34:00.000-05:00

I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately. I drink coffee as a treat; I don't brew it at home. It makes me feel good to have an extra $2 to throw away. And I like to feel like I'm going to be awake for a few hours. But, I've been going from maybe a cup a week, to 2 or 3 a week. And I'd drink more if I could. Coffee is my drug of choice.

I've been axious lately. Anxious about everything. My husband's been dealing with some concerning health issues. Just in the testing phase right now, but it makes me a little nervous. Really nervous, actually. He doesn't even need to mention it, but
when something goes on in his body, he does this little listening thing with his head, his hand goes to his pulse and I know something's going on. I just wish I knew a) how serious it was b) how to help relieve the discomfort of his body and c) ease his mind. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to fall and having to get him to the hospital right away. I hate the not knowing.

I'm pretty well always on the brink of tears. Anything can put me over the edge. Seeing someone on the street. Hearing a sad song. Seeing a bird on a branch. Earlier last week on the way home from work, I did cry, the thoughts just got out of hand. What if my husband dies? What if I get sick? What if the pandemic comes to our city? What will I do and how will I have the strength to cope. Sitting by myself on the subway, crying for no reason other than vague discomfort - what a pathetic sight I must have been.

And I'm exhausted. I feel like I could sleep all the time. In fact, the idea of being in bed with the covers pulled up over my eyes is extremely appealing. Every little job, from making dinner to writing emails to talking to the landlord, seem insurmountable.

The good news, is an incredible closeness I feel with my husband. Earlier in our journey through this bog of stress, I was closing off to him. That's stopped and I just feel so wonderfully close to him, despite all this muck we're trudging through.

Nevertheless, I don't really talk about it much with him. My husband, obviously, is dealing with things too. His own health. His concerns for the future. His not sleeping well. I feel like I need to be the strong one. At least sometimes. I'm not sure if I can do it...

Talkin' about backdoor action

2006-02-24T09:51:00.000-05:00

Magdelena had a very informative post about ... you know, bum fun, which I've only now been able to comment on. When my husband and I were first married, I wouldn't even let him say Anal Sex and I think I'm still a little queasy about the "A" word, preferring to use euphamisms. The best one so far is Fifth Base, brought to you by All About my Vagina.

Backdoor lovin' is not my favourite position. However, I do enjoy it once we get into it. I've been known to come like Vesuvius using the Exit Only pleasure area, but to do so, I have to completely turn my brain off. (I've found alcohol or other substances especially helpful here). I have a huge mental block when it comes to my bum. Enormous mental block. It's a lot of work to try to break that down, but my husband really, really likes bum fun, and I like it too. So we've decided to keep working on it.

When we started, he went really, really slowly. (We're not even to the penis stage here, folks.) This was weeks of fingers and other friendly objects, teaching me that the bum is a nice place. This is still one of the best parts of bum fun - the Getting Used To stage. I'm not all tense, I'm not afraid, my brain isn't trying to sabotoge my body, things just feel good.

When we finally got to the actual "sodomy" part (and that, another horrible, horrible word choice - do you see why I have such issues with this topic?!?) my husband made sure to make it very intimate, and full of conversation. I think I probably cried the first time we did it, it was just so very intimate. That was why I liked it in the first place - not so much the physical pleasure but the emotional closeness it brought.

Things have changed a little now, and although still immensely intimate (moreso than anything else we do) I'm able to have a little fun with it. The difference now? A simple towel. To put my mind at ease for the Worst Case Scenario. It's helped me calm down a whole lot with the whole thing. It saves the post-orgasmic run to the loo, which totally breaks the mood.

One time, I think the Worst Case Scenario actually did happen. I'm not going to spell it out for you, but thanks to the towel I'm not even sure if it did happen, it was such a non-issue. And, my darling and wise husband has never brought it up, nor have I. I think we both know I would be so mortally embarassed my ring of joy would be sealed tight forever.

Now, that's not to say things are perfect. Last time I actually squelched an orgasm because of my fear of making a fool of myself. Just when I was about to fall off the edge, I turned around and scurried down the fire escape. Not too satisfying and, imagine if I'd just gotten over myself and let go - record breaking orgam! But, I'm learning, and things are getting better.

So, I'm writing this post to remind my conscious brain that bum fun is not something to fear or avoid. To remind myself that good things happen at the backdoor. To break down that enormous mental block one brick at a time. And, to let my husband know that although sometimes a little hesitant, I'm still trying...

And now, why the peacock image above? I'm not sure. I google imaged "intimacy" and he came up and I liked it. I like that he's a peacock, the emblem of all things flashy and showy. But he's albino, and so a little subdued. Let's delve deep into the BS'ing days of undergrad and say that The albino peacock is a symbol of Claire's feelings of reaching Fifth Base. It is beautiful, but not in the traditional sense. It requires a certain amount of grace, elegance and confidence to make the beauty happen. And it's pretty dang cool.

The best post-orgasm chit-chat ever

2006-02-23T09:13:00.000-05:00

Me, looking down and chuckling: Heheh, I'm all sploogy.

Him: Yeah, you're sploogerific.

So, that mid-week naked fun? Got some.

Sometimes I question humanity's intelligence

2006-02-22T23:49:00.000-05:00

I received an email at work today from, phychopathic_bitch_34029@----.com That is funny and sad on so many levels. Not only is she broadcasting that she's crazy, but also that she can't spell. And that the 34028 people before her couldn't spell either!

That's my job. Dealing with phycopaths for 7.75 hrs/day.

mish-mash

2006-02-19T23:47:00.000-05:00

The weekend's over. I'm not too pleased.

We had mind blowingly good sex the other night. We've kind of lessened our quantity recently, but our quality is sky-high. I think when we go without for a while, I get all the more sensitive and tingly when things do heat up. This weekend, for example, I went a little berzerk. I mean it was just so good and I was feeling that I had to have all the pleasure, all at once. Embarassingly hedonistic, really.

I tried to write a nice, fun, bloggy kind of list this afternoon. Could only think of lame things to share. I was totally in a list mood, but it just didn't work out. Maybe next time.

I think my goal for the week is some mid-week naked fun. Not to be too tired or hassled or busy. To take the initiative for once. I'd also like to feel beautiful this week. At least for a little while.

Maybe we need some more alcohol in this house.

Time for bed. I have another brain numbingly long week ahead. Want to be prepared.

I got the fever!

2006-02-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

Figleaf posted about nudism. One of the things on my List of Things to Do Before I Die is visit a nude beach. Nude is one of my favourite states of being. I am most comfortable when I'm naked. Trouble is, it's February. And I live in friggin' Canada. Sure, our apartment is comfortable, but if I took off my shirt and pants (not to mention my thermal vest) I'd be shivering. I wish it were August.

Here's my compromise. Nude. Comfortable. And wrapped in a fluffy duvet.

2006-02-17T09:44:00.000-05:00

I feel strong today

Just a Quivering Mass of Insecurity

2006-02-14T23:21:00.000-05:00

Alternately titled: Claire Slides Horizontally Across the Corporate Ladder

So, I got a bit of a job change lately. I don't think it's a promotion per se (ie, no pay raise) but my daily tasks are a half step more enjoyable than my previous daily tasks. Trouble is, I knew what the expectations were before - and I knew I met them. Now, I'm just not so sure...

I think I got to slide over to this slightly more enjoyable (and quite coveted among the co-workers) position mainly because of my working hours. I am the only member of the evening shift who's worked there more than 6 months. I'm not confident that it had anything to do with my skills and abilitites at all. Now that I've shifted over to these new tasks, I'm not sure if I'm keeping up or meeting expectations. I knew what was expected before (even though it sucked) but now, I've been reduced again to a quivering mass of insecurity.

I thought I was supposed to get more confident as I grew up.

Bah humbug

2006-02-14T00:20:00.000-05:00

For the record, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I believe it's a farce of a holiday, dreamt up by Hallmark and Lindt and the Rose Growers of America. If my husband loves me, and I believe he does, I prefer him telling me daily, instead of just February 14th. Honestly, I can think of better ways of spending $60 than on a dozen roses.

(And secretly, I hope someone brings treats to the office tomorrow, because I'm a sucker for sweets.)

Two funny things

2006-02-09T23:41:00.000-05:00

I recently became aware of a list of blogs, of which I have been magically added.

Item 1: My description is Insight into the mind of an independent woman. Although I do have my own ideas, I'm pretty well codependent with my husband. Maybe they didn't read that 89% of my posts mention or are about my husband.

Item 2: Right below my link is Reality and Redemption, apparently Thoughts from an unhappily married female. Made me chuckle, what do you say to that, Digger?

'Til death do us part

2006-02-09T23:36:00.000-05:00

Crap. Worse than the news of a blogger taking their blog down, is the news of a marriage breaking up. Blog-life or real-life, I feel breakups personally. I've told my husband hundreds of times he's never getting a divorce out of me. Hearing about broken marriages makes me want to hug him and never let him go. Ever.

Feel good post

2006-02-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I am filled with a sense of well being this evening. I'm usually tired and cranky by the time I get home from work. Today, not so. This despite the fact that: I've been running on a sleep deficit since Monday. My day seemed particularly long at work. My husband had a very scary health issue last night/this morning. I didn't go running today.

Today, I just felt so at peace on the way home from work. Riding public transit, still surrounded by dirt, ruffians, germs and other tired commuters - I just felt good. I wish I knew what is causing these good feelings. I'd like to bottle it. I watched a kid eating an apple and thought it entrancing instead of disgusting. I accidentally caught the eye of a fellow commuter and, instead of finding it creepy, gave them an apologetic grin. Randomly, I picked up an abandoned paper and tried to do the Sudoku puzzle that stumped me this morning. This evening? no trouble! - I am unstoppable.

Maybe not, but I do feel good. I think I'm going to create something. Feeling good is too rare an emotion to waste at the computer.

in which Claire learns something about herself

2006-02-05T23:14:00.000-05:00

So, after my last post about the shirt removal thing, I began to realise that I'm not all librarian afterall. I do think that some things are sexy. It didn't take me long to compile a list (I'm still librarian enough to enjoy a good list!)

Forearms: I've always been attracted to forearms. Nice muscular ones. Ones that show good motor dexterity and open jars with ease. I'll admit (and here's something I've never told anyone, ever.) I once had a bit of a crush on the paster of our church for the sole reason that he had nice forearms. I used to be into rock climbing - there were always good forearms in that sport. My husband, who likes to tinker with things and is quite handy with a screwdriver, has developed very nice forearms.

Manly leg hair: I like my man to look like a man and I like the look of body hair. It's just so darn... manly! Now that being said, my husband has started shaving his bits and I do like that - but there's no way that smooth skin is girly - it's just a loverly contrast from the rest of his fuzziness.

Grey Hair: I can't wait until my husband starts going grey. I always admire that distinguished look of a man who's going grey.

There's probably more, if I had more time or energy, maybe I could think up some other items. I found as I was trying to find an appropriate image for the post(but alas! not finding any) that I enjoy looking at the kind of men that aren't popular on the internet. The best images I could find were the gay art sites, but those men didn't seem to have the "strong silent" thing going for them. Hmmm, I'll have to do more research. In any case, I wanted to get these sexy characteristics down in print before I forgot - I can see sexiness around me!

What about you, women and men? What characteristics to you find sexy in a person?

The much missed bj, relational revelation and miscellaneous other items

2006-02-04T12:40:00.000-05:00

Last night, I gave such satisfying oral sex. I'd been wanting to for ages, but just hadn't had the courage to jump in. It was delicious. Knowing that my husband is enjoying himself is nice, but when he gets hard under my touch - there really is nothing like it. Last night I really wanted to drag it out, didn't want it to end. But, when I tasted precum, that was it, I was hooked. I was out of commission for the week so it was all him. (And a little bit of my fingers for me, but just a little bit - so I guess it was mostly all him.) Man, he is just so lovely!

---------------------

It's been a slow realisation, but after my mini-meltdown the other day, I think some things are going to change. I belive I'd forgotten that our marriage is built on the sound principle of 60/40, not 50/50 and I wasn't putting my 60 in with a good attitude. My husband was so very good to me when I was sick, he always takes such good care of me, and here I am, complaining because life isn't going my way. Well, I can't guarantee being the perfect wife 100% from here on in, but I think there has been a substantial shift in my thinking. Saturday mornings were built for such quiet reflections as this.

---------------------

My knee's been buggered this week, so I started doing pushups while recovering. I believe it has helped my oral sex stamina significantly. Good health is important!

---------------------

As my husband knows, I'm not really much one for fantasies and I don't really comment too much that something is sexy. But, there really is nothing like a man taking a shirt off (hence the above picture). They do it in such a manly way, not like us ladies afraid of mussing up our hair ...or maybe it's just me.

2006-02-03T08:49:00.000-05:00

So, I had a mini-melt down yesterday. Apparently, I don't take my husband being unemployed very well. Since I don't write about stuff like this on our family site, you are the lucky readers who get to hear about it. woo-hoo.

I've been trying so hard to be strong, to buck up and deal with things, but when I get tired or overwhelmed, I just can't do it anymore. Which is frustrating because the "it" that I have to do it pretty well just what I was doing before. But, for some reason, can't handle it now.

Yesterday, I was doing fine until I got a massive headache (the kind that make you throw up) and had to call in sick from work. When stress makes you take time off work, doesn't that mean something? Anyway, I'm feeling well right now, but lately I've been teetering on the brink of totally flipping out. Suggestions anyone? I'd love a magic pill or something...

Disclaimer

2006-02-02T08:48:00.000-05:00

After reading Eros' rant, it is my considered opinion that I disagree. But, thanks to Bacchus, I have at least thought about it. If the time comes (and we all know it's inevitable. Even our friend Tajalude has packed it in) I will not be leaving my archives up. I will be deleteing my entire blog and leaving 1 post of moderate explanation, a la SN. I am sorry that I will be breaking the internet, but it's my blog and I've only ever done it for selfish reasons anyway. My blog is my sandcastle and all good things are temporary (except for marriage - that's permanent!)

That being said, I have no plans to jump the blogging ship any time soon. As long as I have secrets I can't tell my family/co-workers, I'll have blog fodder.

...in which Claire reminds herself how to stay sane

2006-02-01T22:44:00.000-05:00

If something bugs me, I should just fix it. Taking 5 seconds to pick a towel up off the couch and hang it up in the bathroom is much easier than: eyeing the towel, wondering why the towel is there, getting grumpy about the towel, repressing the grumpy, getting into a huff, picking up the towel and throwing toward the bathroom, hoping it lands on a hook.

Do something fun every single day. When I make sure that I do something I like, it's easier to handle the things I don't like. I walk and listen to On the Media on my mp3. I make something creative or play my piano. When my life revolves around work and chores at home, it's no fun and I just get crabby.

Excercise. That thing they say about endorphins and physical activity lifting one's spirits? They weren't kidding.

More sex. Still working on this one. I'm so busy with points one, two and three that I'm dead tired by bedtime. But, I know it's key and I'm trying, trying to get more action in the household.

Things are not always great. We are very poor lately. I work long hours. The weather is oppressive. My husband is currently unemployed. But, I've been sound of mind these past couple days and I'd really like to keep it up. If life were easy it wouldn't be this fun, right?

2006-01-30T09:41:00.000-05:00

I know you all were wondering, so I thought I'd let you know. My husband and I had completely mind blowing sex last night. Really. Incredible. It involved putting him into my three favourite places in me, a lot of moans, goosebumps and hip thrusts. I bit his lip while I was climaxing at one point. It was primal, freeing, and much needed.

We're not going a week without again.

My terrible, awful, no good, flipping craptastic day.

2006-01-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

I had a bad day. I'm grumpy and I just wanted to share. I could blame it on PMS. I could blame it on our fucktard clientel at work. I could blame it on the -20 windchill. Whatever. I feel like shite and I'm going to bed.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Update: My husband, who is apparently telepathically connected to my emotional state, came home with a gigantic box of Smarties. Those are my favourite treat, and my chosen comfort food. How he knew that tonight was the night they were most needed, I'll never know. I burst into tears, gave him a great big hug, and shared them with him while sitting on our bed. The cloud has lifted significantly. It is good to be together.

For the Record

2006-01-23T22:52:00.000-05:00

I would hereby like to declare that I am poor at the Traditional Orgasm. It is not my forte. I do not always come when I masterbate. When my husband asks me if I've come, I do not always know the answer.

Yes, I know what it is to orgasm. Yes, I have seen the peak and I've fallen off the edge. But there are a lot of steps to an orgasm and I don't always get to check each item off the checklist. Rush of sensation, check. Feeling of satiation, check. Physical release, check. Orgasm? I'm just not always so sure.

Whatever. I'm subscribing to the Figleaf philosophy: Focus on what you enjoy and let the orgasm be a side effect. (paraphrased) And you know what? I have a lot of fun with my husband. I'm not going to let a little thing like numbers get in my way. It's all good, ladies, and Cosmo doesn't always know what it's talking about.

Rant out.

Thanks to The Virgin for the rant inspiration

Sex Therapy

2006-01-22T14:36:00.000-05:00

Although my husband was too kind to say the words aloud, it seems I get a little testy without a proper boinking now and then. History has shown that if we go too long without, I get wacko. My reasoning for this phenomenon? I suspect that I use sex as barometre for how well things are going in our marriage. We could be having the time of our lives - great conversations, good times, lots of fun, but if there's no physical intimacy I think I'm going to wonder if something is wrong.

But joy of joys, nothing is wrong anymore. We had delicious, body shaking, toe curling sex last night and things are back on track. Now, Gander recently mentioned getting shy if they go too long without. Maybe that's what I was experiencing last night too. We were snuggling, we were cuddling, we were kissing, but when he went to reach between my legs, I just wasn't ready.

Luckily we've dealt with this before. I've told him that when I'm not ready through the front, it's best to sneak around back - all defenses are down back there and I just can't resist. He convinced me perrrrrfectly. Maybe (and I admit this sheepishly) I wanted to be convinced? Maybe I wanted to make sure he still wanted me? I don't know, my brain was too messed up to determine.

Regardless, we had a jolly old romp. No doubt it was comfort sex, there was lots of skin contact, lots of eye contact, lots of kissing, lots of holding on. There was also lots of orgasms. I suspect I came twice in rapid sucession (but I'm not so good with the counting) and then had a series of gigantic aftershocks. Then, I had the pleasure of enjoying myself (on top) with my husband inside me, which in turn brought him to orgasm.

After that, I cried (of course), and just held on to him for dear life, waiting the emotional orgasm to subside. My husband, sweet man, just held on to me and the tears passed as quickly as they came. I think he's pretty proud of a round of sex that brings a girl to tears of joy. And well he should be :)

So things are back to normal. We've got a date for that bum fun we didn't get last week, so I don't plan on letting another sex drought get me down any time soon!

2006-01-21T20:47:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling like my husband and I haven't been as close as usual. It may just be in my head, but I don't like it. There are a couple things which may be prompting the distance: 1) I've been snarky about a couple household issues lately. I don't like myself when I get naggy and housewifey, but I also don't like the out of control feeling when I'm not nagging (and nothing gets done). In general, I've been feeling poorly about myself in this respect from top to bottom.

2) We haven't had any specific couple times since you read it here last. That's right, that's almost a week. I didn't think I'd really notice a week without nookie, but I do. And I don't like it. Sex brings intimacy (or is a display of intimacy already there?) and without it, I miss it.

On a happier note, I've been doing well in other things. I've been playing the piano more, even playing little ditties of my own creation. For playing nothing but hymns and classical for 20 years, starting to make my own stuff up is huge. It makes me proud of my creativity and it's immensely enjoyable.

I've been running as much as an endless Canadian winter will allow, which also boosts my mood. I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, even if it's just running down some neighbourhood streets. I'm strong and I'm capable and running clears my head. Makes me feel like I can accomplish a lot.

My husband and I did have some excellent fun yesterday, even if we were fully dressed for it. We went on a date to a different part of the city and had very stimulating conversation. We have been totally depriving ourselves lately (living off one income is not as fun as it sounds) and it was nice to get out and have some cheap fun together. We're good friends, and last night was proof for me.

So, all this to say, things are good, if not perfect. I'm still dealing with some troubling issues regarding how I feel about myself and the whole nagging thing, and I'm not always very happy with myself. But deep down, I'm cool. I know that things are good, that I'm making my own happiness and that is worth a heckuva lot to my mental well being.

Sunday Haiku

2006-01-16T09:51:00.000-05:00

A request is made
But sensibility wins with
You need your sleep, wife

and if haikus had a few more syllables available, I would have added, or else you'll go crazy at work and take it out on me when you get home. Silly, sensible husband, thinking to the future instead of living in the moment.

But, the request, you'll never guess. I, Claire of the P&V, requested bum fun. No kidding - and I actually wanted it! Hopefully the desire doesn't go away and we can partake tonight. At a reasonable hour.

What to do with a fussy wife, Masterbation and really, really old porn

2006-01-15T16:41:00.000-05:00

Lately, things have been a little stressed at Claire's house. We're dealing with money trouble, outside stressors, sleep problems and also combatting the January blahs. We love each other very much, but we're not always in the greatest of moods. Last night was a case in point.

We went to bed, both of us feeling a little randy, both of us knew it, but neither one of us knew what to do about it. (One thing to let you know, when we're stressed out, my husband and I both end up incapable of making decisions. Whether it's coffee or tea, white bread or brown, or what time to set the alarm for, each decision feels like it's pulling teeth.) Last night, I was fussy. I knew I wanted something but I just didn't know what. My poor husband, having zero feedback from me, didn't really know what to do, either.

Things are hazy in the timeline, but I know there was a perfectly timed backrub involved. There was a movie playing and we watched some naked people for a while. We masterbated side by side, which has an intimacy all its own. We sat together, he behind and me in front after this back rub, me holding him and he playing with my bits. He does that so well. I came, I jumped on him and rode his body to climax. I really, really like the feeling of being on top and having him come inside me. To know that he enjoys me so much that he'll come, even when he's not exactly in charge of the angle, thrust, speed etc. Love it.

--------------------------------------------------

I almost titled this post One and A Half Orgasms, because I think that's what I had. I commented briefly on Digger's post, but my orgasms are definitely on a spectrum. When I masterbate, I have very poor (if any) orgasms. I peak yes, but I don't really fall over the edge very well. I'm not even sure if it is technically an orgasm. When my husband and I first started exploring each other, I would have these sometimes. If he asked the "Did you come" question after one of these, I wouldn't answer, since I didn't know. Now that I know a little bit more about myself, and that there are bigger and better orgasms out there, I don't usually count these as orgasms. I don't know. In any case, since I came with his fingers on my goodies, the official orgasm count for last night was 1.5 (but who's counting, really.)

----------------------------------------------

My husband has sources of porn that I know not of. He's found some good stuff in the past. High Definition porn. Girl porn, girl/boy porn (we don't go much for boy/boy porn, but that's just us). Porn with a storyline (kind of) and porn without. We've had some fun, but nothing outdoes what he pulled up yesterday. Vintage porn! It was amazing. It looked like it was from the '30s, silent films with piano playing background music. What stood out the most was that nothing is new. There were the same aspects as modern porn: sex outdoors, oral sex, extremely close up P&V, a 2nd girl hiding in the bushes watching and masterbating, her fingering his ass... all the standard positions.

It had all the titilation of porn that I love without the fake breathing and gasps. I didn't need to worry about the actresses selling themselves to feed their cocaine addiction (did they have cocaine in the '30s?) They weren't anorexic, these were nicely built, fleshy ladies. I didn't need to worry about their mother's finding out what they did. These ladies, if still alive today, would be great grandmothers! Porn without the cry of conscience - how perfect is that.

Therapy post, please bear with me

2006-01-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

I'm ok even though

I can (and do!) cry at the drop of a hat
I get too emotionally involved in novels and now I can't read Ann Marie MacDonald anymore because she makes me depressed for a week
my feet are not soft and smooth and feminine
I will quit something because it's too hard or I'm not good at it
I wear high waisted pants (because that's the style prevalent at used clothing stores)
my face gets really, really red when I'm embarrassed
I can't debate effectively
I fall asleep mid-conversation late at night
a messy house makes me mentally unstable
I cannot look sexy in a pair of underwear

Am I an LL spouse? Probably not.

2006-01-11T09:07:00.000-05:00

According to Digger Jones's list, I have some aspects of a low libido spouse. He discussed it here, in the context of his marriage. As opposed to the ladies who commented, who seem to have unending desire and amazing sex lives, I can display 3 or 4 of his items on certain days. He ended his post with the question, are there any women who don’t have any of these 12 twelve issues? I do have some of those issues, Digger.

But, I also have a lot of other issues: The big fat crush I have on my husband. My urge to please him. My memories that sex is fun once you get into it. My knowledge that he loves me and will never hurt me or try to make me unhappy.

Last night, for example, I heard myself saying to my husband, I want to give you a blow job. It was very true. I definitely wanted his penis in my mouth right at that moment. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take his pants down right then, so there was some time between the request and the action.

In between my bad self got to thinking. Uh oh, I just built some expectations. Now he'll be wanting some. What if I don't want to anymore? What if I don't get into it? Luckily my good self piped up and shoved a sock in my bad self.

No pressure. You don't have to come. You just want to have his penis in your mounth. You'll like it, he'll like it. What's the harm? You won't be too late to bed and so what if you are? Shut up bad self, no more hangups, remember?

So I did. I was totally into giving my husband the best blowjob ever, for the sole reason that I wanted to. Loved it. As an added bonus, I got to have some P&V and some 69. No orgasm (for me) but because that wasn't the point, I wasn't disappointed or annoyed. I totally enjoyed myself and I totally enjoyed him.

Now, back to low libido spouses. I think it's pretty safe to say that I have a lower libido than my husband. But I do not have the cosmos conspiring against us and our love life: I do not have children. 9 nights out of 10, I get a good night's sleep. I am in good health. I love and desire my husband - find him very attractive in every way. For those of you who do have the cosmos conspiring against you, my heart goes out to you. Marriage is so great when it works well, I imagine it's a whole lot of work when it's not working smoothly. Good for you for sticking it out.

Because it's the weekend, and the sink is full of dishes and I need to do laundry

2006-01-07T19:31:00.000-05:00

This procrastination moment, brought to you by Inky.

Get to know me: A to Z

[A is for age:]
27, just 8 more years until I get my tubal ligation.

[B is for booze of choice:]
Wintertime: Bailey's. Summertime: Bacardi Grapefruit Breezer

[C is for career:]
I wish. Right now I'm putting in time as a Customer Service type person.

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
The internet. mp3 player.

[I is for instruments you play:]
cello, flute, piano - but not all at once.

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
Mint jelly or blueberry jam. (Boy, they really had to stretch for this one, didn't they?)

[K is for kids:]
No thank you. My husband and I have a great and fulfilling life and don't want to mess it up with having to get up early on weekends.

[L is for last kiss:]
Pecks on the cheek count? Probably within the last hour. Real, tonguey, passionate kiss? Last night, over my shoulder as I was being.... you know.

[M is for most admired trait:]
I don't know what people admire about me, but here's what I like about me: my music, my running, my compassion, my faithfulness, my get-stuff-done attitude.

[N is for name of your crush:]
Conveniently, my husband.

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
Healthy as a horse. I imagine I stayed overnight upon my birth, but after that, I've been hospital free.

[P is for phobias:]
Not a big fan of revolving doors.

[R is for biggest regret:]
Peircing my ears. Twice (since the first time was crooked). Earlobes are such soft, nibbly little parts, and now mine have scars in them. boo.

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
Dark chocolate. Or Ice Cream. Both together is divine.

[U is for underwear:]
I like bikini briefs. I tried to get into the boy cut panties, but they just rode up and make me cranky. Now I just wear them the day before I do laundry, since by then they're the only choice left.

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
I suppose I've had dental x-rays. But this one is the best (it's not me, by the way, but it is mine.) 10 points if you can name that mammal.

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
I make the best Kraft Dinner

[Z is for zodiac sign:]
Sagittarius. But I don't let it get me down.

[alphabet edited to remove lame/incriminating letters. It's my blog, I'll do it how I like]

Early morning lovin'

2006-01-07T18:45:00.000-05:00

So, James Bond was on last night at 1am. It was classic James Bond (not the Pierce Brosnan kind) so I was able to keep my eyes open for the whole show. Now, due to a myriad of reasons, we hadn't really had some good, messy, lubey, orgasmic sex in about a week. Sure there was a blowjob here and some groping there, but not real P&V sex.

I knew that my husband had been feeling the decline, that he was in the mood. I acquisced to his twiddling my bits throughout the movie, by the end of the movie I was ready for more. My darling husband, knowing I'd worked all day and am not generally a nighttime person was so sweet in giving me the choice of tucking in for sleep, or getting a little snooky time in first. I pondered, I felt my tingly cucci, I remembered that weekends are for sleeping in late anyway, I remembered my New Year's Resolution, I asked for the sex.

It was quite wonderful. He flipped me onto my tummy and loved me up and down (but mostly down) with his tongue and fingers. I'll spare the nitty gritty details, but there was some pretty sweet stuff going on involving: lots and lots of wetness, some very yummy backdoor action, exhaustion induced wacko thoughts and hallucinations, some down and dirty doggy style penetration. (oh, I thought I was going to spare the nitty-gritty here... sorry)

I've learned some selfish things about me. Lately, I've liked coming first (as in before we get to the penetration part) for the following reasons.

Takes the pressure off. I get a little wired about orgasms sometimes. What if I don't? What if I can't? What if he gets bored before I do and I'm left in the lurch? What if I get overdone and don't know how to tell him? If I have one, get it over with, so to speak, I can just enjoy the rest of the show.
I really, really, really like penetration after an orgasm. I mean, really. When I've come I can really enjoy some P&V, maybe even moreso than before an orgasm.
If my husband is pleasuring me before he's had an orgam, I don't need to worry that he'd getting bored/sleepy/frustrated. I can be pretty sure he's pretty hard himself and enjoying what he's doing. Now that's not to say that he doesn't enjoy pleasuring me otherwise - he's told me enough times that he does. But for my brain, it feels better knowing he's physiologically motivated.

So there you go, that's how things are. At least right now. When we move into marathon sex and multiple orgams I'm sure things will change. But for now, I think we're enjoying eachother pretty good.

PS - Just an added note. It's so neat to be with 1 partener for all these sex-capades. Because I get to learn things about me and about him, and then we keep doing things and adding to our resepective knowlege bases, it only gets better and better and better! It's also nice to be able to write things down for my husband to read. Not a very good talker, but my typing skills are exceptional. Communication is key!

Coming out of the closet

2006-01-06T09:36:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been feeling the urge to come out of the blogging closet and tell somebody in my real life about the blog. I don't really know why, and I don't really know who I would tell. Don't worry, my husband. I know these are your secrets too, so I wouldn't really tell anyone.

But for today, to appease my exhibitionism, I'll be wearing my socks. Say hi if you see me!

the best compliment

2006-01-05T09:40:00.000-05:00

After a well-deserved, long, drawn out blow job, given while I was highly motivated and totally into it, my husband said this:

You have the mouth of an angel.

I know it was said half in jest, but that's a pretty good compliment,I'd say!

contact

2006-01-03T10:03:00.000-05:00

Laying on my back with my husband on his side. His arm is over my chest, his leg over my hips. My entire left hand side is touching his entire front. But we want more. He'll kiss me on the cheek. I'll wiggle my toe and touch his ankle. He'll bend his knee to put his foot on my leg.

We're a contact couple and after a full week of holidays, complete with passing pats on the bum, hugs at random, shoulder rubs and hand holding, I'm going through withdrawal.

Dear Boss,
Please let me bring my husband to work. He'll be very quiet and just rub my shoulders from time to time. It will bring up my productivity and make me a better person.

Thank you,
Claire.

Life is too short...

2006-01-01T16:15:00.000-05:00

... to fold underwear after doing laundry.

An exceedingly happy new year

2006-01-01T12:35:00.000-05:00

My husband and I celebrated a Very Happy New Year last night. I won't get into too many details, but for the first time I can remember, I could have made my husband come on demand. He's usually so controlled (whether controlling it is easy or difficult for him, I'm not sure) but I heard the magic words last night. Be... careful. If you keep..... doing that I'll.... come. I think there's a dom in me that likes the control.

For reasons too complicated to get into (involving other medication, birth control and our ardent desire to remain childfree forever) he wasn't supposed to come inside me. But He. Felt. So. Good. Anyway, we moved on to a little backdoor action and we both got what we wanted: gigantic orgasms and that delicious, tingly, filled up and satisfied feeling. Oh, baby happy new year, indeed!

So, a Happy New Year to all of you. May your lube never get gummy and your batteries never run low. May you give more than your share and get more than you expect. And, sex or no sex, take care of yourself and those around you.

Just a couple questions

2005-12-31T12:55:00.000-05:00

So, I had 9 1/2 days off work with no obligations (for the most part) and no real plans. It was delightful, I'll admit. My husband and I got to spend a lot of time together, which was fabulous. I'd forgotten how fun he is, and how much fun I can be when I'm not tired/stressed/cranky.

Now the question remains, why wasn't I jumping his bones every single opportunity? I mean, two grown-ups in their own apartment. No curfews, no chaperons, lots of lube, vibrators and unlimited access to porn via the internet. We did it a couple times, and it was great, no question. But, why didn't we do it every day? Multiple times?

I like sex, don't get me wrong. Maybe I'm just fundamentally lazy. Snuggling is nice, too - and a lot less work. I don't always climax, I wonder if that's an issue in my deep, dark subconscious. Don't initiate sex, you might not climax. That's crazy talk, I know. I'm fine when I don't come and my husband seems to be, too. Anyway, I've been quite orgasmic lately. So what's going on in my head?

Maybe I should just calm down. When we don't have sex for a few days, I get a little squirelly, wondering if my husband still finds me attractive. Now, my Time of the Month is starting (3 days early, what's with that!?!) so we're going to have to be a bit more inventive. I just wish I were better at initiating sex.

2005-12-30T11:18:00.000-05:00

Naked snuggling is the best snuggling.

New Year's Resolutions I didn't put on our family blog

2005-12-28T17:55:00.000-05:00

more boinking
fewer hang-ups

And so this is Christmas

2005-12-25T15:36:00.000-05:00

This is it. This is Christmas day. All the fluff and feathers, the purchases, the mailing, the carols, it's all about this.

I must admit, it's a little anti-climactic.

I know the real meaning of Christmas. I'm a bible believing Christian and I went to the service last night, I know that this is a day to celebrate God's coming to humanity. The trouble is, traditionally, one is to celebrate this day with friends and family. Alternately, one is to celebrate this day with obscene amounts of gifts. Right?

Well, my husband and I are on our own. I'm not about to bake a turkey for two - I don't even think I could bake a turkey. We chose the frugal Christmas and didn't really do gifts or stockings. Gifts from family were mainly cheques, and those were opened (and cashed) when they came in the mail.

Re-reading this, I think it sounds a little whiny. I'm not whining and I'm not even really all that sad. I miss my family, yes. But honestly, I don't really think being there this holiday would have solved this connundrum. I'm just thinking this through, trying to put my finger on my malaise. If my darling husband reads this (and I know he will, Hi babe!) he's going to ask what we can do to make things better. Let me consider a moment.

I think I've got it. Growing up, Christmas was all about traditions. We'd go to the Christmas Eve service, come home and visit and open one gift each. We'd wake up Christmas morning, have an orange (to settle our stomachs before all the chocolate was opened :) We'd read the Christmas story in Luke and pray. We'd open stockings and gifts one by one. Then we'd get ready for the day and go Grandma's. We'd meet with all the cousins and have egg mcmuffins (home made, of course) and open a few more gifts. It'd be chaos there and we'd be ready to get back to our quiet house for the afternoon. Then we'd go to my other grandparents' and, depending on the year, open gifts or have a big turkey dinner. It was a busy day and there was a definite routine to it.

Now that I'm on my own with my husband, we don't have too many traditions. For the past couple years, we've stayed up really late and mostly slept through Christmas. We went to a movie Christmas day last year. I wonder if I'm feeling like I've lost a number of traditions, and haven't yet made any new ones to take their place. I couldn't help but put some expectations on the day. That was probably my first error.

Remember, I'm not especially melancholy. I'm not sad and I'm not frustrated, disappointed, discontented or let down. However, I think that next year when my husband and I do Christmas, I'd like to actually do Christmas. Open some gifts Christmas morning, make stockings for each other, put up a tree, lights.

But that's next year. Today is Christmas. I have a loving husband in the room with me now. I have parents just a phone call away. I have a nice cup of tea on my desk, awaiting my attention. I'm going to sign off, Christmas won't be here forever!

Body Image

2005-12-24T11:26:00.000-05:00

I know it's Christmastime and everyone should be all Holly and Ivy and everything, but this is what's on my mind right now. Not that anyone is spending time reading blogs this weekend (except for me) so this post will likely just slide in under the radar unread. As it should be.

My body's changing. I'm 27 years old and I guess it's time to face the fact that I won't have the same body shape my whole life. At least it won't be too traumatic - I was never one who thought she was beautiful, I'm the person described as cute. That's okay with me - there's a lot of pressure that comes with beautiful. I tend to wear loose fitting clothes, stuff that doesn't stand out, certainly doesn't flaunt anything. But, on the inside, I was kind of proud of my body. I had a slim waist, a bum that wasn't too big, hips that stayed in proportion. My boobs weren't anything spectacular, just reliable old B's that did what they were told. I didn't have to worry about my body, it was a fairly attractive, functional unit.

Lately, things have started to change. My thighs are getting bigger. My waist is getting thicker. My belly - previously so flat and unobtrusive - is developing a mind of its own. None of these changes really scream for attention, but I know they're there. My pants don't fit as well as they used to. It's not weight gain, I've weighed the same since I was out of high school. It's just changing.

My body is fit, I'm a runner. I know that what I should be feeling is, It's a beautiful, strong body. It's yours and your husband loves it. It is healthy and that makes it beautiful. Just like the Dove commercials. Instead, my tactic is to get out the full length mirror, previously in hiding. If I'm going to have to get used to losing my nubile body, I want to do it in increments. Haven't studies shown that things you're familiar with are generally found to be more attractive? I'm hoping to help my mind get used to what she sees. And it is beautiful, darn it!

I'm beginning to remember

2005-12-24T00:17:00.000-05:00

the feel of skin on skin
warm hands on bum, back, breasts
penis growing harder in my mouth
those little tiny moans of pleasure
urgent thrusting

How could I forget things like this?

Last night he said, "Open your eyes." It was like being a kid lead into a candy store and then the blindfold was removed. He came and it was intimate and beautiful.

2005-12-21T01:39:00.000-05:00

The following statements are true:

We've been busy lately
There's been a lot of stress around here regarding many different things, both big and little
I've been fighting off a cold
I've been tired
I've been lazy
I don't know when the last time we had sex was

The first items are no excuse for the last. I have a week off work starting at 12pm Friday the 23rd. Expect more spice in the blog shortly.

I hope.

Why not?

2005-12-19T23:54:00.000-05:00

Everybody's doing it. I found my way through Anna. Here's my Sexy Name Decoded.

Nice. I love luxuriating.

Good thing my name's not:

They really had to stretch for that one. Imagine Kermit and his "glorious yeses." Heh, heh. The internet is fun.

Haiku Sunday

2005-12-18T18:33:00.000-05:00

irrational tears
anxious, worried, despondent
yet, he loves me anyway

A shorter, more confessional, post about porn

2005-12-17T19:06:00.000-05:00

Figleaf quoted an expert who said:

Women [...] appear to be far less interested in buying pictures of naked men

in this post.

I didn't want to post a comment there, for fear I'd get too long winded and take up all of Figleaf's space. But, I think that with my previous post about porn, I should 'fess up. If I'm looking for titillating images, it's the ladies I'll be looking at, not the men. I'm not lesbian, I certainly wouldn't want to be in bed with these ladies, but I think they're more erotic.

Now that I'm writing this, I wonder why. I wonder if it's just that sensual looking ladies are more available than sensual looking men. I think I'm going to do some research, anyone have any suggestions?

Quote of the day

2005-12-16T20:13:00.000-05:00

Bedroomdancer said this, which I think is lovely:

Perhaps the best part is that my mona is still tingling pleasantly, more than five hours later. [...] It's ike a physical reminder of how much I am loved.

It's nice to be loved.

It's also nice to have a tingly mona.

Finally, a moment to post.

2005-12-16T19:13:00.000-05:00

It's the weekend and a hearty yahoo! I have little to complain about with my life, but my job does take up a fair portion of my week and I am darn glad to see Friday roll around. I've been reading blogs throughout the week and haven't really justified taking the time to write a coherent (yeah, right) post of my own. This post caught my eye. If you haven't read Fade to Numb yet, you should give it a go. It's an interesting read and he's got a good sense of humour that pokes through at the most opportune moments. I also really like his loyalty to his wife - I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Anyway, he wrote about porn. I have no doubt that much of what he says is true and what I have to say is not a rebuttal, nor is it saying that my way is the right way. It's just another perspective. That's it for the disclaimer.

Just to get it out there, my husband and I do look at porn sometimes. I don't know how long he looked at it before I was in the picture. He didn't tell me about it for a good while after we started out together, I think. But we shared a computer and, inevitably, I found out. I was pretty upset when I first saw some images saved on our computer. (Our computer was a hand-me-down from a local charity (which means 1 step up from a Commodore 64). We had dial up. He must have had to wait about 40 minutes per picture. Not much titillating about dial up...) Anyway, I was upset, mostly because the file names were things like "young girls." I didn't want to be involved with a pedophile and that really, really creeped me out. He explained he's not a pedophile, those were just what came up, he prefers looking at women and would never look at a child that way. Deep breath, okay.

So, we discussed it and I think I probably banned it for a while (but I don't really remember - that's just something I would do). I don't remember porn really being an issue until after marriage, when he'd look at stuff with me. When it wasn't hidden, it didn't have such an icky feel to it. I had (have? that's a whole 'nother post...) some definite issues about my sexuality and I think porn might have helped me loosen up a bit, kind of like alcohol. I'll read certain blogs or erotic stories and they have the same effect. Sometimes he'll put something on the tv while we're having sex - it kind of sets the mood for me (like Strauss in an elevator) and puts me in the right frame of mind. I usually end up forgetting all about it as things heat up.

I've asked my husband if he thinks of those naked ladies when he's having sex with me. He says he doesn't and I belive him. I certainly don't think of having sex with the naked men I see (ew!). I like the settings, especially the outdoor ones. I like the positions since, sadly, I'm really not that creative. I also like the reinforcement that it's ok to like sex. I certainly do not think it affects my body image. Mainstream media has a much better hold on me than the porn industry there, unfortunately. Oh, to be a boyishly sexy young waif...

I don't know how I feel about porn on the whole. It's so terribly available (to people much too young to handle it, I'm sure), a lot of its production is probably ruthlessly exploitive of the actors, and the relationship dynamics between Porn Man and Porn Woman are not to be envied. I imagine that it probably messes up a lot of relationships and I applaude FTN for sticking to his decision to cut it out of his life. I'm not sure if I would have the guts to do what he's doing and am glad my life right now doesn't require it. But, for the record, if my husband put his foot down and said not another naked lady or he's leaving me? I'd throw the computer out the window and never look back.

2005-12-15T23:12:00.000-05:00

Note to self: Write a comment about this post.

For the record

2005-12-15T08:36:00.000-05:00

My husband is, sadly, temporarily unemployed. He's also dealing with a rather stressful process that he has to have compeleted by a certain date in the new year. But, during this time of unpleasantness, he has been the most wonderful, attentive husband ever. Bar none! I was sick on Tuesday, he was so concerned. He's made dinners, done dishes, cleaned the bathroom and generally taken good care of the family. He's made sure I'm healthy and happy and tried to spend as much time as possible with me during the hours that I'm home. Unemployment stinks, but having a househusband to take care of me might not be all that bad... Love you, babe.

We are sorry, the cucci is not open to sightseers at this time.

2005-12-14T09:41:00.000-05:00

When will I learn my lesson? My husband's smooth shaven boys gave me the creative urge to trim my area. I know that I'm not made for complete shaving, but I figured a little off the top wouldn't hurt. Right. How long does it take for nicks and razor burn to heal? Nevertheless, I like the look and I'm thinking of persevering. But no sightseers while I'm practicing my shaving technique!

Sunday Haiku

2005-12-12T17:55:00.000-05:00

woman on man, nude
mouths fingers searching probing
knees touching shoulders

A more personal recap of our trip

2005-12-12T17:25:00.000-05:00

So we were away for a bit, which is the partial reason for not posting. (The other reason is an amalgamation of other excuses: busy, lazy, not much going on...) It was a nice, relaxing trip, filled with silent sex with inlaws in the room next door. We'd forgotten lube so it was mainly 69'ing, but intimacy is intimacy, right?

We got home this afternoon exhausted and ill (too much rich food is nice, but not for 3 days straight!) and got ourselves ready for a nap. I was naked and chilly, I asked if he'd get on top of me (a human afghan - nothing cozier) and he took his boxers off and found the lube. Even better! I'm not sure if it had been his intention all the time, but I'm glad when he takes the initiative. I sometimes think I'm too tired/sad/sore/stressed for sex, but when he gets it started I realise how interested I am afterall.

We have a date this evening for bum fun, since we certainly couldn't do it while away. I'm looking forward to it, I think I'll go run a bath...

Skin-gasms

2005-12-04T20:40:00.000-05:00

There are days when it's all clit. And there are days when it's all cucci. There are other days, like today, when it's all skin. My skin felt supercharged with nerve endings. When my husband would put his hands on me, I'd get a wonderful warm buzz from my toes to my head. I felt his hair falling on my back, his breath on my neck, his balls bumping into my girlie bits. It took some doing, some conscious relaxing and some hardcore vibrations, but the resulting climax was worth it. Sex is such a bonding, intimate activity. I doubt if sex alone could save a marriage, but it sure does make a great marriage fabulous.

As a side note. Our family blog is full of stories and pictures of our two cute, little, fuzzy pets. What I don't say on the family site is that one little fuzzball hates it when we have sex. She makes her discomfort knows in hilariously obvious ways. Jealousy, perhaps?

2005-12-04T10:25:00.000-05:00

The sex marathon is apparently over. Last time we did it was on Wednesday (but boy, was it yummy! "Sick" days off work are the best for lovin'!) Then we were hit with a series of annoyances and petty problems. None of which are life threatening, but all of which take a considerable amount of brain power to decide on and act on. You'll be glad to know my husband is still shaving his boys. I'm certainly glad.

Haiku Sunday (on Monday)

2005-11-28T23:37:00.000-05:00

attmpting silence
stiffling moans with sweet kisses
soft mattress noises

Weekend fun

2005-11-28T23:15:00.000-05:00

So we had friends staying at our place on the weekend. What did we do? More sex, of course. I don't think I've mentioned it, but my husband shaved his special area last week and ever since he's been a monster in bed. An insatiable, highly motivated, sex monster. I love it!

I feel so desired, it's wonderful! He makes me feel sexy and beautiful and, and, amazing. And, oral sex is delicious on a clean shaven penis. I may be up too late and my sex muscles may be sore, but my husband's and my relationship has never been better.

PS - He's looking online now for lube, since we're almost out. "A litre, do you think that's too much, Claire?" My opinion is that in a long term relationship, you can never have too much lube.

2005-11-26T04:01:00.000-05:00

You'll excuse my lack of posts...

2005-11-25T09:33:00.000-05:00

My randy husband has decided to set a new world record for consecutive days of nookie. So far we're at 5. And those aren't quickies! I'm certainly not complaining, but it doesn't leave much time for blogging...

Two, two, two orgasms in one!

2005-11-21T23:04:00.000-05:00

I'm not the greatest orgasmer. They're not predictable, they're not habitual, I can't even always masturbate my way to orgasm.

Wasn't I surprised then when our supposed "quickie" turned into a double header for me. I found out later my husband hadn't recognized the first one, which was nice because he just kept doing what he was doing and boy was it yummy!

I'm not going to taint it with the graphic play by play. Suffice it to say there were: 2 mouths, 1 penis, 1 vagina, 1 bum, 2 vibrators, dozens of fingers, plenty of moans and lots of heavy breathing. Hopefully the neighbour's weren't disturbed!

Lexicon addition

2005-11-19T21:00:00.000-05:00

In my never ending quest for the perfect name for Down There, I saw today "cucci." That's so much better than coochie (or it's variant koochie) which I have been known to use before. It's much less "coochie-coochie-cooo!" and more of a fine Italian dinner.

Maybe it's the Canadian spelling, but I like it. Thanks, Shay.

Reading blogs makes me....

2005-11-17T22:42:00.000-05:00

...very, very thankful. I suppose it's the kind of blogs I read, but there are a lot of people out there who are dealing with intimacy issues in their marriage. A lot. People that don't give or get oral sex. People who don't go to bed at the same time. People whose only conversations are about their kids.

I am a very lucky woman. I married a man who loves me and who wants to get to know me. He's patient and never pressures me, but always lets me know he wants me. He talks to me about big things and little things, and doesn't get frustrated when I get frazzled. We have never argued.

I write this here because this is where I can. I can't gush about how happy I am being married on our family blog - one mustn't brag, you know. But honestly, I can't imagine someone being more content in their relationship than I am in our marriage.

You'll excuse me, I have a husband to hugnkiss.

Now for the part I couldn't put on the family webpage

2005-11-12T18:50:00.000-05:00

The only thing that could have made my concert going experience any better last night would have being able to give my husband a surrepticious blow-job during the show. Unfortunately, "surrepticious" is impossible in a stadium of thousands, so I had to wait until I was home.

A post long in the brewing

2005-11-09T09:03:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about this for a while, even before everyone started posting about cunnilingus and the eww factor. (Just a side note. Every single time I type "cunnilingus" I have to look it up in the dictionary. Good thing it'd never be a spelling bee word!) I have mentioned before that my husband and I didn't have intercourse until we were married, but was I a virgin? I've been trying to decide.

Let it first be said that the way that my husband and I discovered each other's bodies was perfect. We went slowly but not too slowly, had some definite boundries and talked a lot. My husband was the first guy I kissed. He, on the other hand, was significantly more experienced and tended to lead where we would go and what we would do.

We had lots of oral before marriage. Lots. Neither one of us wanted to have "real" sex before marriage, so this seemed like a good compromise. (Bum fun wasn't even on the landscape yet.) I would say that we were sexually active before marriage. Could I say that I was virgin? Technically, I suppose I could and if anyone asked, I could pull off the mini-deception and say yes. But I don't think I felt viriginal that first night in the hotel room. I knew what he looked like under his boxers, shouldn't a virgin be bewildered?

Hairsplitting aside, I was very glad that he introduced me to oral first. It's pleasurable and gave me a good impression of all things sexual. It's certainly intimate - if, heaven forbid, my husband and I hadn't ended up together, I wonder if I would have regretted giving that to him. Anyway, I was pretty sure of him at the time.

When we got married, one of the questions I asked was if we were going to have to give up oral, now that we were allowed to have "real" sex. He assured me we wouldn't and I was relieved. Just because a person can drive a car doesn't mean they don't like a bike ride now and then.

I suspect that if my husband weren't so intent on pleasing me, or if we'd jumped right to the intercourse without oral first, I may not be so relaxed in my body. Giving and receiving oral is such a nice way to please someone, to explore bodies one at a time without all the pressure of "is he happy? is he going to come? am I doing this right?" I learned to be sexual without pressure first which was definitel good for me (being a guilt hound, I need all the help I can get in this area.)

Would I suggest others do it the same way? I have no idea how people other than my husband and I make their relationships work. Oral sex an awfully intimate act and I wouldn't give it to anyone I wasn't sure of. I most certainly would not receive oral sex from someone I wasn't planning to be with long term. I suppose people make the best decisions they can at the time, right? I'm glad mine worked out so well.

2005-11-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

Last night I was faced with a most difficult decision. I could a) stay up and make sweet love with my husband or, b) go right to sleep and awake refreshed for church in the morning.

I think we know the choice made. No worries though, still up for church. Good strong cup of tea will keep me conscious through the sermon.

2005-11-04T21:54:00.000-05:00

I can't think of the last time I drew my own bath. Last night is what made me think of it. I said, in a non-commital kind of way, I should have a bath tonight. Didn't my husband just take the hint in the most perfect way. Ten minutes later, the bathroom was a paradise. Lights low (so as not to see the dust bunnies in the corner), candles lit, soothing CD playing in the background, a steaming tub of relaxation waiting for me. He would come and visit while I soaked. We watched the candles flicker, the reflection in the ripples of the water. I shaved my legs with time consuming precision and felt my body and mind de-stress.

We're working on our fourth year of marriage. It's only getting better. I think I'm learning to read him better and he, most definitely, knows what I like and what I need. Maybe it's just that he knows that when I'm relaxed I'm not flipping out on him, forcing him into caregiver mode to pick up the pieces. Personally, I think he loves me.

what's in a name

2005-11-04T21:28:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed (but probably not) that I've adjusted my blogging name. Previously, I wore my title The Wife with great pride. I'm still proud of my status as "wife" but my name lacked, well, Individuality. Spunk. Personality. Not to mention that saying I was The Wife was pretty limiting: showing only one aspect of myself. And I could easily be confused with a good 30% of the population.

Henceforth, you can call me Claire. You'll recognize me by the socks. Pleased to meet you.

the manifold benefits of running

2005-11-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

energy to initiate more lovin'
stamina for those delightfully physical girl-on-top positions
wanting to show off my bod
hearing the words Hey babe, your ass has gotten firmer

So we were watching Bewitched last night.

2005-10-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

We were snuggled together on the bed, having just enjoyed some Chinese food. We were contented and comfortable. And naked. The movie was cute enough had some funny bits but I knew I wanted some lovin' before we had to face another busy work week. We decided to multi-task.

First: reverse cow-girl. Technically, I could still see the tv, but when faced with the choice of watching Nicole Kidman or watching my husband enter me and seeing myself rubbing my clit on his balls... let's just admit that although Nicole's cute, she's no competition with P&V.

Second: doggie style. Again, I could still see the tv, but the view was even better in this position. I could arch my back and kiss my husband or look down and see the actual penetration. Mmmm. Will Ferrell? who?

Third: forget the tv, I want some bum fun! I scrambled on top and we fucked like there was no tomorrow. I was extremely wet and enjoying myself a lot.

In the end, there was a phenominally large orgasm and a wife who really, really enjoyed watching it. I didn't come but my vicarious enjoyment was immense. However, I have no idea how the movie ended. I can only assume Elizabeth and Jack ended up together, but how??? Bah, movies can be rewound, sex should be taken advantage of whenever possible.

2005-10-28T23:17:00.000-04:00

I'm embarrased to admit it. I'm considering jumping on the illegal bandwagon and downloading some music/audiobooks for my new mp3 player. It goes against everything I believe. It is, fundametally, theft. And it's so friggin' easy that I know within a week I'll be justifying it to myself and downloading without a thought, which is the worst part of all.

I wish I could live up to my ideals.

untitled

2005-10-25T09:02:00.000-04:00

What to call this post? I could call it Mastering the Quickie or Non-sexual Erogenous Aones or Whooo baby, 69 is where it's at!. I'd been haranguing my husband all weekend about having sex and we did, and it was delightful, but it was just once. We hadn't for the whole week before and I didn't realise it affected me so much but I wanted more, more, more! I was determined not to let this work week pass without a few more intimate moments.

Last night, we watched bits and pieces of a porno movie (shot in High Definition, of all things!!). The movie was lame, but the scenery was fantastic and it provided some pretty good imagination fodder for the bedroom.

My husband has to go to bed at a pretty good hour to be able to function the following day, so as we lay side by side I knew I couldn't waste much time. He initiated, but I didn't try and talk him out of it. Because my hands were cold, I could only use my mouth. Heheh, poor me. I love giving oral and it wasn't long before he invited me to give him access to my girly bits.

About those Non-sexual Erogenous Zones. Once long ago when we were experimenting with our blue rope, I found out that my underarms are really, really sensitive. Used in the right way they give me goosebumps when touched. Similarly, somewhere in my brain my waist (just an inch above my hips) is linked to good, sexy feelings. And last night I found another: where my bum meets my thigh. Last night when my husband was doing his magic down there, a stray finger (and I think he must have about twenty!) planted itself on that exact area. I gasped when I felt it there, the feeling was so strong. I know it was an accident, but it just linked every part of my body together - the incredibly focused sex feelings between my legs networked with the all over goodness of the rest of my skin cells and magnified all those good feelings I was having. Perhaps I glowed as a result, I'm not sure.

Because things were working so well, I was able to come and it was delightful. (What finally tipped me over the edge was imagining spreading my legs for him in that magnificent High Definition Mountainous Waterfall landscape we'd seen earlier. I'm a sucker for outdoor fantasies.) I must give it to my husband, he's got tenacity. Maybe he works out his jaw and tongue, but he was very, very enthusiastic last night for long periods of uninterupted time. It worked for me and I had the best orgasm I've had in weeks. As I was still enjoying the orgasmic aftershocks he came quite fiercely and then we snuggled up together to sleep. Only a half hour late for bedtime, we're definitely improving on our quickies. But I would say more practice is needed. Frequent practice.

bring your sex toys to work day.

2005-10-20T22:15:00.000-04:00

Without thinking, I picked up my package at the Post Office on my way to work. This means that I sat all day at my desk, knowing I had a sex toy in my bag. If that doesn't put a smile on your face for a long day of work, I don't know what would.

My husband picked me up after work, so we got to have a look at our Smartballs at the local burger joint. They're so innocuous (for a sex toy, at least!) I don't think anyone noticed. It wasn't until about 10 minutes ago that we got home and I finally got to put them in.

A note about Fun Factory. They're great. Their sex toys are bright and cute and not at all sleazy. But they're awfully hard to find. I bought my Smartballs at www.seduction.ca, but I had to do quite a bit of researching to find an online store in Canada for them!

Anyway, about the Smartballs themselves. They've only been in for a short amount of time so far, but I wouldn't say they're exactly uber-stimulating. I can feel them if I rock my hips back and forth, but kind of only then. There is that comforting fullness of having something inside me, of which I am always a fan. I didn't expect much of them, so I'm not disappointed. For some reason, love balls was just something I've always wanted to have in my toy box. Even though they won't bring me to climax, I'm glad I have them.

Smart Balls

2005-10-20T09:34:00.000-04:00

Today, I go to the Post Office to pick up my FunFactory Smart Balls. A gift from me. I hope they're as fun as I think they will be - I'll let you know!

inky?

2005-10-18T22:14:00.000-04:00

Inky? Hello? It's almost humpfuck day. Your 1 year anniversary, remember? I hope it's just a glitch, I can't find your blog...

La belle fin de semaine

2005-10-14T21:10:00.000-04:00

I am totally stoked about this weekend. I don't use the word stoked very often (ever?) so this must be something special. I've been blue pretty well all week for a number of reasons (none of them anything in particular, just general malaise) but today, finally, the tide turned and my optimism returned. I missed my husband painfully this morning on my way to work, now I get to spend two full days with him. I think I may finally be done my Week of Womanhood, so we'll be up for some great nookie.

On a side note: I have never been much for role playing. I think I'd find it silly and laugh my way through my act. This is the first example I ever thought might actually be fun to giggle through together.

Also: I wouldn't mind getting the blue rope out this weekend, my husband. What do you think?

woe is me

2005-10-13T22:59:00.000-04:00

I have not had my period for a full week since I was 13. I started last week on Friday (5 days early, as you heard me complain earlier) and am still having to wear my Keeper. Running was supposed to turn my system into a well-oiled, super efficient machine. So far, it's mainly just messed up my hormones and made me bleed for a week. ugh.

positive indicator

2005-10-11T09:24:00.000-04:00

You know it's going to be a good day when you find splooge in your belly button, left over after cleaning up from the night before, and all the good memories come flooding back.

Masterbation-athon

2005-10-10T19:52:00.000-04:00

I'm the first one to admit it, masterbating isn't usually my thing. When I was younger (ie, still in high school) I did it quite frequently, and with pleasing results. But, since then I've kind of tapered off the self-love. I don't always come when I do do it, and if I do, it's not usually a very satisfying O.

Today was, as I mentioned, a lazy day. I've been working on a project throughout the day and when I take breaks from that, I've been masterbating. My husband (and sex therapist) says I should masterbate more, that it'll help with my orgasms. Ok, let's test the theory. So far today I've come 3 times. Sure enough, the third time was the easiest to achieve, and the most satisfying.

It adds a dimension of interest that my husband (also vegging out today) has been in the same room for most of the orgasms. I don't think he noticed....

Come, ye thankful people, come.

2005-10-10T11:46:00.000-04:00

It's Canadian Thanksgiving today and both my husband and I are home from work. We've already done all the weekend chores, which means today is a day to totally veg out. I started my period about 5 days early (which for me, Ms. Regular, was a little off-putting!) so we've been waiting for some skin time for quite a while. We've been talking about him coming inside me (who knows where!), using a vibrator more directly involved in our bum fun and lots of other good stuff. It all began with a wake-up blow job for him this morning - hopefully many more orgasms to follow.

Peope at work on Tuesday: So, did you do anything on the long weekend?
The Wife: Mostly stayed at home and got caught up on some things on the To-Do list.

(wink, wink)

Dear Housewyfe

2005-10-07T09:24:00.000-04:00

It was inevitable, and we could see that the end was coming, but it's still sad. I read every single one of your posts from the very beginning and laughed and cried (often in same post.) It's funny isn't it? I don't know what colour your eyes are, or what you like in your coffee (do you drink coffee?) but I still feel like I know you quite well through your writing. You are witty and intelligent and courageous and definitely an inspiration to a young wife like myself. You've made me take a second look at the women around me, and maybe try to get to know them a little deeper. Thanks for sharing a slice with us, please drop in from time to time.

Wishing you all the best,
The Wife.

2005-10-07T09:00:00.000-04:00

I just realised I broke my cardinal rule of writing in my blog for me only. I wrote a letter to Housewyfe, which technically was for her. But maybe it was for me, too. I think I'm beginning to admit that bloggers and blogging is affecting me. It's a little odd, being affected by people you've never met...

"sorry" is not sexy

2005-10-05T22:59:00.000-04:00

As an admitted guilt hound, I'm often struck by the urge to apologise. For everything. I'd like to apologize for:

not initiating sex enough
not having enough orgasms
being too tired, too much of the time
not having the energy to be fun after work
crying before/during/after sex

Now, I know that my husband loves me, and I know that these urges to apologise are mainly irrational. I know that if I come, if I don't come, having a good time is the important thing. Above all, I know that "sorry" is not sexy. I hold in these apologies because I know that they're unnecessary and unnerving. They are annoying to me, I can't imagine my dear husband having to put up with them all the time. I sure am glad I'm loved.

newsflash: I have a libido!

2005-10-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

Wonder of wonders, I've felt myself developing a sex drive. Now, I've enjoyed a good romp in the hay, but lately (seems like the last couple years) I haven't had the go-get-'em to actually want it, and feel like it was worth sleep loss and sore muscles to get it. However, this past week or two I've been wanting it more and more. Weekend past I instigated The Act with my husband a couple times, but I think my watershed moment was last night.

My husband asked for a little lovin' before he had to go to sleep. I was more than ready to oblige (no difference here, I've always loved pleasuring him). It was late so I knew that it'd be a real quicky, and I didn't want too keep him up waiting for my ever-so-slow orgasm. But, and here's the cool part, I was totally turned on. I was fantasizing while giving him a hand job, we talked about different things, and even when he'd finished and was drifting off to sleep, I kept wanking!

I was totally wet after his hand job, and my brain was stuck on fantasy mode. I don't really masterbate too much and I don't really fantasy much either. But last night, I kept picturing lying there with my legs open, my husband's probing eyes and fingers and I enjoyed myself so much...

No, I didn't come but that's not the point. I tried to be quiet and still, but my interest in sex was more than my disinclination to inconvenience. I just kept wanking away, until I got sleepy and fell asleep.

I don't think it's probably that big of a deal for most of you, but for this low libido lady, masterbating for fun is a pretty significant milestone. Here's hoping it just keeps growing - maybe as big a libido as our friend Housewyfe!

Sex muscles

2005-09-30T08:54:00.000-04:00

...and the thing I can't put on my family blog is that I'm actually running in the mornings to build up my sex muscles. I didn't realise it, but I think it's working, too!

We'd been going through a bit of a dry spell - work was busy, we were tired, inspiration in the bedroom just wasn't there. But, I'd been wanting to for the last few days and the tension was building. Monday (or was it Tuesday?) I shaved everything shaveable, and trimmed down my quim. Ready. I tried to instigate another night, but it was just too late and I knew that we're not very good at quickies. Another night I was in bed by 10pm, not condusive to making nookie. Finally, last night, I couldn't wait anymore. I needed some lovin'.

My husband, knowing that morning comes early for him, was a little reluctant, but acquiesced to my using his body for my pleasure (self-sacrificing, isn't he?) There was some P&V, some P&Bum and some very athletic positions. The final nitty gritty details are too intimate to blab on the internet, but I was so wet, I thought he'd already come (except the expression on his face was one of beautiful agony.)

I didn't come, but I certainly did enjoy myself. I was craving intimacy (not just the sex part, but the connection part) and last night was a good start. Can't wait for the weekend for some marathon lovin'.

Surprising side effect

2005-09-25T18:16:00.000-04:00

Ladies, you understand that when using a public toilet, there are times when you just don't want to sit on the seat (ew!!). I've learned that since I started running, it is much easier to keep the hover for the required amount of time. No wonder they say running is good for your health!

Another list

2005-09-25T12:08:00.000-04:00

I read blogs and sometimes I stumble on things I wouldn't have known about if not for the internet. This has allowed me to broaden my horizons and decide what I like and what I don't. For myself, my husband, and any interested party who's happened to stop by, here is Another List.

Disclaimer - just because I may not be into something doesn't mean that other consenting adults can't enjoy activies together. There is no judgement here.

Some things I don't think I'm into (but I do read blogs dealing with these topics with a strange fascination):

pain and punishment in sex (floggers and nipple clamps? not for me, thanks!)
sex & peeing (a la pantiesx3)
submission and dominance
having sex with another lady
watching my husband have sex with another lady (he knows I'd fly into a jealous rage)

Some things I didn't think I would be into (but actually am):

anal sex (no one's more surprised about this than I am!)
reading tame (very tame) stories about bondage, or loving domination/submission
watching movies/seeing pictures of ladies have sex with other ladies

Some things I like and I knew I would:

kisses - my husband is the only man I've kissed and I love his kisses
being naked
writing about my secrets on the internet
reading erotic stories
P&V* sex (we didn't have "real" sex until we were married, but I knew I'd like it!)

*To clarify: P&V = Penis & Vagina.

A new word

2005-09-24T19:50:00.000-04:00

Today I learned the word quim, as in "my tongue buried in her quim" from the Rentboy Diaries. I think it's a perfect word - so much more pictoresque than vagina.

It is also an excellent use for that awkward Qu in Scrabble!

2005-09-22T10:01:00.000-04:00

I'm having a cute hairday today. That makes having to spend my day at the office more tolerable.

And, my jeans fit better than usual. I think it might be an ok day.